me. Caleb was the only one holding its crushing weight at bay. You weren’t here. The urgent whisper crawls up from the darkest corner of my memory. You were in your bed, sleeping. When we woke up in the morning, we found him like this. Go to sleep. Go back to sleep. We weren’t here.
Josh turns back to me slowly, like he’s not quite sure I’ll still be standing in front of him when our eyes meet. I don’t move. His cheek twitches. A line of blood divides the skin there, too. “It was Caleb.”
No. “He did this to you?” My lungs cave in. “Why? Did you have a fight?”
“Did we have a fight,” he whispers under his breath. “You were lying to me before. You had to have been.”
“Lying about what? I wasn’t lying about anything.” My palms start to sweat. “What are you talking about?”
He forces his fingers through his hair. “You acted like you didn’t know anything. How could you not have known about this?”
“Whoa.” This is so horribly unfair. “Hang on. I don’t know what you’re talking about. Tell me what you’re talking about.”
“He’s in deep.” Josh’s voice drops to a deadly softness. “Deep in some shady business. And I’m not talking about a local drug ring. I’m not talking about small-time black-market bullshit. It’s way bigger than that.” He’s studying me like I might give something away. I have nothing to show him except a creeping sense of dread.
“I knew he was…I knew he sold things. Guns.” My voice trembles. Why? Why can’t I sound strong and sure in this moment? “Weapons. But—” What possible defense is there for what my brother does? I know it skirts some laws. “No. He sells guns to people who want them. That’s all.”
“Well, when you say it like that, it sounds perfectly reasonable. Jesus, Bethany.” Josh’s expression darkens into incredulous hatred. “He’s not selling guns to gang members. It’s worse than that by orders of magnitude. Are you really this naive?”
“I’m not naive,” I shoot back. “I know he’s not a good person, okay? I know that. But I don’t believe—what could be worse?” I throw my hands up. Try to get a handle on my voice. “What could be worse than what he already does? Maybe you’re the one who’s naive.” It’s a losing argument and I know it. I just can’t stop. “What could be worse than what he already does?” The question comes out plaintive and small.
“He sells weapons, Bethany. But he’s not selling them to homegrown killers, which is already a fucked-up thing to do, if you ask me.” Josh’s voice has gone absolutely even. Almost casual. He tilts his face to the moon. It was better when he was angry. A million times better. “He sells them to foreign operatives.”
“F-foreign operatives?” My brother has always flirted with the wrong side of the law, ever since our father died. I knew the army was a means to an end. I knew he’d find a way to twist it for his own purposes. “I’m sorry, I—How is that so much worse?”
Josh nods, understanding dawning on his face. The understanding that I really am this stupid. I’m not stupid, I want to scream at him. You have blood on your shirt and my brother is to blame. “How do I make this clear?” he muses at the moon. Then he looks me dead in the eye. “He sells to enemy governments. Terrorists. People who dedicate their entire existence to killing Americans by any means necessary. Do you know what that is, Bethany?”
My name on his lips in this context freezes me where I stand. Because I do know. On some level I know what Josh is about to say. I paid attention in US history class. I made As on every test. This isn’t that hard to figure out, but I don’t want to know the answer.
“It’s treason.”
I can’t breathe.
Josh shrugs. There’s only a hint of defeat in the movement. I don’t think he regrets this at all. “I’m turning him in.”
“No,” I gasp.
“I have no other choice.”
We learned about this in school. The United States government executes people for treason. They could do the same to my brother. If Josh is telling the truth, they could take Caleb to federal prison and release him in a coffin. Horror engulfs me, surrounding me as surely as the moonlight. My brother is a dangerous man. He associates with other dangerous men. He does dangerous things. But when