Something in me saw it and took it for a very specific purpose. I don’t know how far I would have gone to get Ernie to tell us anything.”
The sound of crickets filled the kitchen while Erik considered. “You kept yourself pretty cool. You didn’t rush me, you didn’t try and do anything yourself.”
But there was this feeling, I thought, this feeling that I’d been reduced to a predator myself. I wasn’t sure how upset I was by it, either, not once I remembered Brian’s picture. For a minute there, back on the boat, I really hated how weak I was, that I felt constrained when dealing with Ernie. And then, I saw the hammer, and when I took it, I knew it wasn’t for dramatic effect.
I took another sip of whiskey, and began to wonder what I was capable of. If Ernie hadn’t talked, would I have gone further?
I said to Erik, “I guess…I think of myself as a pretty decent person—” I cut myself off when I heard how patronizing that sounded.
Oddly, Erik wasn’t angry. “I’m not a decent person? I shouldn’t protect my family?” He swirled the whiskey around in the bottom of the glass and glanced at me.
“No, no, of course you should. And I should too, I know, it’s just…I guess I’m surprised by how fast I…by how…shallow everything is.” I groped for the words. “Civilization, no, culture…doesn’t seem to really go that deep.” I shrugged and swallowed. “Maybe not as deep as I thought, in me, anyway.”
“Guess it depends on what your culture is,” Erik said. “Lotta folks would say that guy got off easy.”
“Maybe I think we should have just handed him over to the police.”
Now Erik was annoyed. “That’s exactly what we did. I don’t understand your problem, Emma. I don’t like what we did either, I don’t go out of my way to get into shit like that, but if it comes to me, to my home, my family, I’ll do that and a hell of a lot more. Bet your last dollar on it.”
“I know,” I said, and sighed. “I also know that if we hadn’t…waited before we called the cops, we might not have had as much to find the real Tony with.” I looked up at him. “Thank you, Erik. I can’t tell you how grateful I am to you for that—”
He scowled again. “Don’t be grateful; it’ll just fester. We found ourselves in a jam, we helped ourselves out of it, that’s all. Cooperation, if you don’t want to think of it as teamwork.”
“No, it was teamwork. Look. I’m in it as much as you, I accept that and I’ll deal with it, you don’t have ever to worry about that.”
He nodded and shrugged. “Like I said, don’t worry. It’s not worth it.”
It was my turn to be impatient. “Okay, okay, and just so we’re clear, I’m in it more, because it was my fault that the son of a bitch was there at all, and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for that—”
“Don’t be sorry, just fix the situation.”
“For God’s sake, Erik—!” Suddenly I had to laugh. “Okay, what am I allowed to be? Not sorry, not grateful, not worried?”
“Be happy.” He grinned roguishly, and finished his drink. The smile stayed on his face, but left his eyes. “Just be ready, too.”
Brian came home a few minutes after Erik left; I poured him a whiskey and decided I needed another finger or two for myself. I told him that everything was okay, that the police had the guy, told him what had happened. After his initial shock, Brian sort of hunched back in his chair, one arm across his chest, the other arm tight into him, fist against his lips. I told him about the discussion with Erik, how I didn’t like what Erik was saying but couldn’t deny that he was right about some things. To me, that seemed almost as important as the evening’s events.
Brian loosened up enough to shrug. “Any animal will try to protect its mate,” he said.
“You know, that really bothers me. What is it with guys and animal analogies?” It didn’t matter that I’d been struck by the same thought earlier.
“Well, what do you think we are, Em? Monkeys with car keys.”
I rolled my eyes. “It’s not that simple.”
“Sure, it is.”
I shook my head. “The important thing is that we try to be more than that. It’s important to me, anyway.”
“Absolutely, but you shouldn’t underestimate the urge to