roamed over my face as if committing it to memory. Finally, he whispered, “I did something unforgivable.”
What in the hell is he talking about? My abdominal muscles ached from the tension between us, and pressure built up behind my eyes. I put my hand on the bricks of the building to keep myself upright and allowed my mind to flick back to that night.
I could see them walking along the tracks. I couldn’t hear their words, but Lony was gesturing wildly. She kept stopping like she wanted him to also, but he never did. He kept walking ahead of her with his hands jammed in his pockets, so she would have to rush to catch up. When the headlight on the train swept around the corner, both faces looked up in shock. At that point, a good twenty feet separated them. Cane moved first, jumping off the tracks. When Lony stood frozen, he turned back yelling at her to move. Lony snapped out of it and tried to flee, but her sandal caught on a rail and she fell down. Cane ran back toward her, but he was too late.
I squeezed my eyes to keep the tears from escaping. “Cane, I saw it. I remember every detail. You are not responsible for Lony getting hit by the train.”
He shook his head. His drunken dizziness slipped over me, making my head spin.
“You don’t understand,” he argued through clenched teeth, tugging on his hair in frustration. Now, anger filled him, adding to the mix. The cold burn of it filled my veins with ice water, causing me to hold the wall of the building for support. Cane turned on his heel and started in the direction of the parking lot.
“Cane, wait!” I yelled.
When he ignored me, I ran after him as quickly as my delicate shoes would allow, catching up to him just as he approached his truck. I grabbed his wrist as he reached for the door handle.
Cane spun me around and pressed my back up against the cold metal door. One arm was wrapped around my back, clutching my hair with his fist. The other hand pressed against the driver door, trapping me in place.
“It should have been me!” he hissed, his eyes moist with unshed tears.
The ferocity of his emotions froze me to the bone. My teeth chattered audibly.
“I fucked up, and it should have been me. If I hadn’t…” He trailed off.
“If you hadn’t what, Cane?” my voice shook. “There was nothing you could have done. What, do you wish you would’ve thrown yourself on the tracks too?”
“Maybe I should have! She didn’t deserve to die like that, with her heart broken.”
“What are you talking about?” My body trembled with the cold pulsing off of him. My headache was reaching migraine levels and causing my vision to blur. I couldn’t have blocked him now if I tried.
“I broke up with her,” Cane said through gritted teeth. “I told her that it was over, that I didn’t love her.”
I gasped, but couldn’t form any words.
“We were walking behind you guys, and she started in on me because she thought I was paying more attention to Carly Smith in the parking lot than to her.” His grip on my hair relaxed a bit, but he didn’t let me go.
I remembered the red-head from the parking lot.
“Lon was just mad because Carly and I know people that she didn’t, and she felt excluded by our conversation. I get that, but we’d been having the same sort of arguments repeatedly for months, and I was tired of it. Just because I talk to another girl, it doesn’t mean I’m interested in them. Carly is my second cousin, by the way, not that Lony asked before jumping to conclusions.”
Talking about that night seemed to be helping him, and I wondered if I was the first person he admitted any of this to. I had the distinct impression that I was somehow absorbing his anger. The waves of his emotions were still as cold, but were coming less intense now. Only in the places where he touched me did I feel any warmth at all. I leaned against him, drawn like a cat to a sunny spot.
“So, you broke up with her?”
“Yes,” he admitted. He bent to rest his forehead against mine. “I’m so sorry, Cady. I’m so sorry she had to die knowing that I didn’t want her anymore. And then people were so supportive and nice to me thinking I’d lost my