of my seat and leave, but I couldn’t risk another outburst like the previous week. Instead, I took some deep yoga breaths and tried to get a handle on myself.
When the video ended, Mr. Steele began asking questions to stimulate a discussion. I watched the final ten minutes tick off the clock and prayed he wouldn’t call on me. He didn’t. When the bell rang, I was out the door and halfway down the hall before most kids had a chance to gather up their books.
My next few classes were repeats of government. During third period gym, Coach Davis pulled me aside to talk about cross country. I hadn’t run in weeks, and honestly, I hadn’t given any thought to the meets I’d missed. Coach suggested that I withdraw for the rest of the season. I just nodded and wandered back to our dodgeball game. I knew I should be more upset about it. I loved running. But I couldn’t muster up the energy to care about things like after school sports.
By the time I entered the cafeteria and sought out my usual table with Bronwyn and Shawn, my belly was all knotted up and I was wiped out.
My friends looked at me strangely when I sat down.
“Not eating today?” Shawn asked.
I shook my head no. “Not hungry.”
Bronwyn’s eyes crinkled with concern. “How are you holding up?”
I gave a one-shoulder shrug. How could I explain the weird feelings I was having when I didn’t understand them myself? “Okay, I guess.”
Shawn popped open a can of Pepsi and sucked the foam off the top with a slurp.
“Are you feeling okay?” Bronwyn prodded with concern. “You look kind of pale.”
I waved my hand in the air like she was making a big deal out of nothing and plastered a fake grin on my lips which I hoped was passable. “I’m fine. Just feeling a bit out of the loop. Why don’t you fill me in on what’s been going on around here?”
Shawn took the hint before Bronwyn did and began to tell me about how he’d been cast as Sky Masterson in the fall musical, Guys and Dolls. I wasn’t surprised he’d gotten the lead. Shawn had a baritone singing voice that could cause the hair to rise on your arms, and he was a natural comedian on stage. I focused on his crazy story about something that had happened in rehearsal, and that quieted the flurry of emotions in my gut somewhat.
A throat cleared behind me and a light touch fell on my shoulder. I spun around to see Bryan holding his lunch tray. “Mind if I join you?” The uneasiness on his face looked as if he were expecting me to say no.
“Of course not.” I scooted over to make room for him on the bench beside me, but it was a tight fit between us and a group of sophomores sharing the long table.
Shawn jutted his hand out and introduced himself and Bronwyn. She flashed me a knowing look and a grin which caused heat to wash over my face.
“I’ve heard so much about you,” Bronwyn said. “Cady was telling me what a big help you have been for her these last couple of weeks.”
Bryan’s eyes lit up at the compliment, and I didn’t know whether or not to be embarrassed to have been caught talking about him. The denim of his black jeans rested lightly against my thigh, and it was all I could do not to press closer against him. The strange emotions rolling through me began to be replaced with a calm happiness.
“Bryan just moved here from Oregon,” I said, trying to make conversation. This led to a discussion on how lame Dubuque must be after living in a big city like Portland. To our surprise, Bryan claimed to like it here.
“Don’t get me wrong,” he explained. “Portland is great and there is always lots to do, but I’m starting to get used to being in a city where I can get from one end to the other in less than a half hour and without ending up in a traffic jam. Before moving here, I thought it was going to be all cows and country music.”
My friends and I groaned with the Iowa stereotype.
“But it’s not like that here at all.”
Shawn raised his right hand in oath, “I swear I have never milked a cow in my life.”
Bronwyn giggled. “That’s because you’re scared of them!”
“Hey,” he protested. “Those things are huge compared with a ten-year-old!”
“We