I didn’t bring you back sooner. I’m never making that mistake again.”
Ronnie said nothing for what felt like forever, but the pattering sound of his heart in Colt’s ears was reassurance, even if the fact that Colt could hear it meant he was partially shifted.
“Please don’t tell my parents,” Ronnie said quietly. The panic seemed to have subsided for the moment, and exhaustion had taken its place. Colt knew the fact that he wasn’t arguing was a bad sign. “There’s nothing they can do, and it would only crush them. Dad especially.”
“I won’t,” Colt promised, pulling away to cradle Ronnie’s face in his hands. A few days ago, he’d been sure he would never get the chance to look into those eyes again, and he wasn’t going to take it for granted. It had taken almost losing Ronnie to realize just how much of Colt’s world and heart he occupied. It was an emptier feeling than he’d ever known, and he wasn’t going back. “Just please don’t shut me out again. I know there’s nothing I can do to change the past, but I can listen. I can be there, if you’ll let me.”
Ronnie seemed unable to meet his gaze again, though he didn’t try to pull away. That was something. “I don’t have anything to offer you,” he said quietly. “Even less now than before. You can’t even fuck me without me having a nuclear meltdown and almost killing you.”
“Are you kidding? You’re the only reason I’ve been able to stay sane this past year. I’m shit at doing this without you, and I know because I’ve tried. As for tonight…” He leaned down, placing a kiss on Ronnie’s forehead. “We’ll figure it out, when you’re ready.”
“What if I never am?” Ronnie challenged. “What if I’m just broken and fucked up forever?”
“Then I’ll hold you together the way you did for me,” Colt said without hesitation, holding him a little closer. “But you’re not broken. Whatever this is, we’ll figure it out together.”
Ronnie heaved a sigh of resignation. Colt knew he was just too tired to argue, rather than actually believing his words, but it was a start. Words meant nothing. He would just have to show him, however long it took.
Chapter 38
Ronnie
When Ronnie had first come back to the estate, things had been normal. Peaceful, even. He’d slept better next to Colt that one night than he had since he could remember, and that sense of peace carried him through the next week.
All things had to come to an end. The good ones, at least.
The dreams had started up again and had picked up where they left off. If anything, they were even more vivid now than they had been. Short of crawling into Colt’s bed like a total wimp, Ronnie wasn’t sure what he was going to do if they got any worse that night.
He knew they would. They always did.
It was barely even dawn when he left the estate, telling himself he was only going for a drive to clear his head. Getting out of the mansion after everyone else was already awake was more of a challenge than it was worth.
Once he made it down the hill leading away from the estate, Ronnie glanced in his rearview mirror. To his relief, no one had followed him.
It had been a long time since he’d voluntarily gotten up so early. He decided maybe he should make a habit of it. The sky was beautiful, a pale blue flecked with the first hints of sunrise. The more rural the road became, the more he was able to relax. Even the air out here felt lighter. Easier to breathe.
Ronnie only realized where he was going when he passed the exit that looped back around to the estate, and the relaxation of the calm morning drive immediately dissipated.
He didn’t turn back, though. He should have, but he didn’t.
Maybe it was what he had planned on all along. He realized it now that he was out of the house, away from the façade he had to keep up in front of his family and everyone else.
It was morning. What could it really hurt?
The exit for the state park came into view, and Ronnie took it, parking his car in the second remote lot off the edge of the winding road that carved through the forest.
As he got out of the car, the morning air greeted him, a breeze caressing his face with a fondness of an old friend. It had been