Wesley strode to the door and threw it open so that it slammed into the wall. Then he turned, clenching his trembling hands into fists.
‘If you knew what my life has been like . . . you don’t see me looking for an easy way out.’
Robbie stood sharply, and despite his size he looked ready to tear somebody apart. ‘You know your biggest problem? You don’t know how to care about other people. Why don’t you stop feeling sorry for yourself and think about what somebody else might be feeling?’
The rest of the group watched him solemnly. The room felt full of eyes, silently observing and judging. All at once his anger collapsed.
‘They can’t have forgotten him,’ he said. ‘They can’t.’
Aoife stood and approached him slowly, like he was a wild animal to be calmed. ‘Take my number, in case you have more questions or anything.’
Her kindness seemed to scald him, but he handed over his phone and let her enter her number before he fled the room without another word.
The group packed away their snacks and stacked the chairs into a leaning tower. Safa nabbed a quarter-packet of biscuits – as if anybody could stop her. Kat turned to the door, wanting to go after Wesley.
‘Watch this,’ said Safa, turning her attention back to the room.
The floor cleared, the three remaining members of the Lonely People gathered in a tight circle and dropped to their knees.
‘Closing ceremony. My idea,’ said Safa.
‘Make us lonely,’ the group said together, bowing their heads to a central point in the carpet. ‘Make us lonely so we can be loved.’ They repeated the words again and again, heads almost touching, like a prayer.
Kat struggled to find her voice. ‘What do they mean?’
‘For some people, love means butterflies in the stomach and magic carpet rides,’ said Safa. ‘For people like us, it means not being isolated from the world. It means loving yourself enough to be glad you exist.’
Make us lonely so we can be loved.
It made Kat hurt in a way she could not name. She ran from the room and up the stairs, gasping in the cool evening air as she made it outside. It felt like she had escaped something dangerous, like she might not have made it out of that room whole if she’d stayed a moment longer.
Was she still whole? Maybe things were worse than she had ever realised.
‘Hey!’ Safa emerged from the building behind her, chewing a biscuit as she ran. ‘Meet me tomorrow night?’
‘Are we going to sacrifice a goat?’
‘You’re a funny guy,’ said Safa, pretending to pinch her cheek before her expression turned serious. ‘You don’t want to be alone in this, do you?’
Through a mouthful of biscuit it almost sounded casual, but Kat caught the longing there, the same fear she recognised in herself. So she nodded.
Safa smiled. ‘I’ve pinned my number to your blazer.’
Kat looked down to find a scrap of paper hanging from a buttonhole. ‘How do you keep doing that?’
‘My secret life as a street urchin. I’m going to head back inside and mess with them a little before they leave. Call me, my dude.’
As Kat approached the school gate, she saw Wesley. He had been cornered by Luke and Justin, the two guys she thought had to be responsible for the campaign against her. What was he doing with them? She crept closer, even though she knew creeping was unnecessary.
‘I had detention,’ Wesley was saying, apparently explaining why he was leaving school so late.
‘You need to get better at not being caught,’ said Luke. ‘Learn a thing or two from Mr NoFap here.’
Justin punched his arm. ‘Shut up!’
‘He keeps getting excited during lessons, but to be fair he’s good at hiding it under the table.’
‘It’s just while my body adjusts,’ mumbled Justin.
Kat grimaced at the mental image. She watched Wesley shift uncomfortably on his feet.
‘Anyway, we told Tru you’re interested,’ said Luke, grabbing Wesley’s shoulder and squeezing tighter than seemed necessary. ‘We’ll send you an email later. Are you around tonight to chat?’
A range of expressions tried to settle on Wesley’s face at the same time, leaving him hovering somewhere between happy and nauseous. ‘Yeah,’ he said weakly.
‘Come on, you can do better than that,’ said Luke, still gripping his shoulder. ‘You know Tinker? He’s been planning a way to shut her up for a while.’
That seemed to be as much as they were willing to say now, but it was enough to let Kat know she had stumbled onto something important.