saw the front door was cracked open slightly and when she peeked outside, relief made her shoulders sag as she saw Jaxor standing at the balustrade of the terrace, looking down at the Golden City from above and the Black Desert that stretched before them.
He turned when he heard her bare footsteps padding towards him on the stone and Erin’s heart thudded when his expression softened.
“There you are. For a moment, I thought I lost you again,” she whispered. “You know I don’t like waking up without you.”
He pulled her forward, reaching out to hold her hand as she stepped up next to him. Erin liked holding his hand. She remembered the first time she’d done it, back at his base in the north, and he’d seemed so confused by the simple action…but then he’d begun to reach for hers as if on instinct.
“How could I forget?” he murmured.
Erin smiled, suddenly shy, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as her eyes went to the familiar view. It was beautiful that night. A clear sky with sparkling stars.
“I have not seen this view in over ten rotations,” he told her. “I would always come out after dark when I was younger to look at it. Though I lived up there,” he said, gesturing behind them at Vaxa’an and Kate’s home on the highest terrace of the city, “at the time.”
“Now you can look at it all you want,” she said quietly, feeling her chest warm at the thought.
He went quiet at her words, his gaze going back out to the scene before them. Golden lights glowed from below, tall lanterns carving out the pathways and winding roads of the terraces. Erin itched to explore the Golden City, but she figured she had time now. It was hard to wrap her mind around. They had time.
“Is this where you want to settle?” he asked her.
Erin’s brow furrowed and she turned to face him fully, her hip pressing into the stone balustrade.
“I haven’t thought about it much,” she said, squeezing his hand. “I guess I just assumed you’d want to be here since this is where your brother lives. I just…”
“Tev?” he asked, turning to face her as well.
“I’ll go wherever you want, as long as you’re there,” she said, giving him a small smile.
Jaxor made a sound in the back of his throat and his voice came out ragged when he said, “Sometimes, you still feel like a dream. Sometimes, it is hard for me to tell if you are real. Sometimes, I think I will wake up in the command center, only to realize that the trial never happened at all. Or worse, that you are still in the hands of the Mevirax.”
He still felt the fear too then.
Understanding went through her and she stepped closer, winding her arms around his neck, pressing a kiss to his lips. Was that why he hadn’t slept? Because those thoughts still plagued him, even when she’d been lying in his arms?
“I’m real,” she told him, clutching him close. “The council pardoned you and we have an entire future ahead, Jaxor.”
He shook his head, dropping his forehead down to hers. “Even that does not seem real.”
“Do we need a word?” she whispered. “A word that I can say, so that if you ever feel this way, I’ll say it and you’ll know it’s real?”
“Tev, I think so,” he murmured, amusement coloring his tone, even though she knew he was serious.
“How about…” she thought about it and then gave him a small grin only he would understand, “kekevir?”
A surprised laugh burst from him and the sound filled her with good memories. “Tev. Kekevir it is.”
“I’ll pinch you too when I say it,” she teased and then she leaned forward, kissing him softly. When she pulled back, her heart was fluttering and she whispered, “I love you.”
His brows drew down deep and she almost gasped at the raw emotion she saw in his eyes.
“Real?” he asked, his voice ragged.
She smiled. “Kekevir.”
“Will you ever forgive me, rixella?” he rasped, bringing his hands up to cup her cheeks. “For the lies, for the way I treated you when I first brought you to my base, for the Mevirax? And for everything else in between?”
“I already have, Jaxor,” she said softly, truthfully.
He stilled.
“And will you forgive me?” she asked quietly.
“For what?” he rasped.
“For believing Tavar,” she said, her lips pressed into a solemn line. “For doubting you, for thinking the worst.”
“Luxiva—”
“For not telling you about the baby. For