card?"
"Not on me." I give him my best fake-tolerant smile. He considers this, then breaks out his best fake-obsequious smile in return. "Right this way, madam. But please inform the young gentlemen that we won't be serving them alcoholic beverages. We confiscated their fake IDs the last time they visited with us."
We sit outside overlooking the gentle rolling greenery of the course. A shrike eyes our table, checking out the scraps. Also known as the butcherbird, it has a habit of impaling its prey on barbed-wire fences. People tend to think animals are better than humans. But birds have their own serial killers. Chimpanzees commit murder. The only difference between us is that animals don't feel guilty about it.
"How many of these people actually play golf?" I say, waving my glass of Appletiser at the townhouses.
"Dwo?" Arno guesses.
"Three max. It's like gym," Des says. "Everyone signs up and goes for like a month and then never goes again."
"So, who are you guys? Tell me about you."
"Um. Anoo Wedelinghaze. Dad's Har-he-duh-he-," he spells out, leaning over my notebook. Listening to him speak makes my eyes water.
"Redelinghuys. Got it," I wink. "How old are you? Arno?"
"Fifdeen."
"And you, Des?"
"Twenty-two. And it's Desmond Luthuli."
"You go to school with S'bu?"
"I do!" Arno chirps. "Bud Des moved hewe wid him. He's da woombade. I jusd hang oud and sleeb over sombedibes."
"Moved out from where?"
"Valley of a Dousand Hills? In Kwa-Zulu Naddal? Dey, like, gwew up dogeduh, besd buds."
"I can speak for myself, Arno." There's something hungry about Des. I get the feeling reflected glory isn't enough for him.
"Sorreeee, dude. Shid."
"Yeah, so S'bu and Arno are only, like, friends from two years ago. They both go to Crawford," Des says. "But me and S'bu, we grew up together. Tiny little village called KwaXimba in the Valley of a Thousand Hills. So ja, when iJusi signed and S'bu and Song moved out here–"
"How'd they get signed?" I interrupt.
"You don't know?"
"I just want to get your take on it. In your own words." Actually, Maltese and Marabou filled me in on the way. There was a big hoo-ha after they aced the Coca-Cola Starmakerz auditions when they were still a tender fourteen; the youngest contestants ever to qualify, and from a desperately poor background that almost immediately made them the great bright nation-building hopes of the contest. But they had to drop out just before the semi-finals, after their grandmother died of lupus, barely two years after they lost both parents to Aids-related complications.
They were adorable. They were tragic. They were at least half-talented. And the song they chose to sing was a wrenching cover of Brenda Fassie's "Too Late for Mama". How could the General Public resist? There was a massive rallying around them. Radio 702 started a fund-raising drive to pay for granny's funeral costs and establish a trust for the new orphans. Coca-Cola put them up in a hotel for the duration of the competition, arranged minders to look after them, and gave them as much free Coke as they could drink. And hopefully paid for their dental work afterwards.
Sponsors leapt to look after them. They got free clothes, free medical aid and free tickets to rugby games, where they got to sing for the Springboks and the President. And they got signed before the semi-finals even went to air, and dropped out of the competition on the advice of their new label, Moja Records.
Des sums this up succinctly: "Like, they were in Starmakerz and then they got signed and Odi paid for them to move."
"Acdually, de creeby bird lady and be dog guy came do dalk to dem eben befowe."
"Before Starmakerz?"
"Dey said dey were dalend scouds."
"Yeah, but I told them they shouldn't just take the first offer they got, even if it was from Mr Odi Bigshot Huron," Des interrupts. "I got them to audition for Starmakerz instead. Worked out. They got more exposure and we landed with Odi anyway."
"And they just did what you said?"
"Yeah, I'm kinda like S'bu's manager."
"You're twenty-two."
"So?"
"His mbom is deir legal guawdian," Arno pipes up.
"Yeah, that too. When they came to Joburg, we moved up with them."
"Mrs Luthuli. Right. So, where is your mom? Is she okay with you guys smoking weed and drinking beer?"
"Yeah, she's really chill. We earned it, man."
"You mbean S'bu earned id," Arno interrupts.
"And where's Songweza in all this? I couldn't help noticing that the house felt very… masculine."
"Song's a sduck-up bidch," says Arno, with all the venom of someone who has tended a secret crush