be the happiest girl in the world.”
James cupped her face. His hands dwarfed her cheeks. “I’m glad, love.” He rested his forehead against hers. “Now, wish me luck.”
Valentina scowled slightly. “You don’t need luck, Papa. She already knows that I chose her as my new mama.”
James bit his lip to keep from laughing at his daughter’s inexhaustible confidence. “Well, I’ll remind her when I ask her.”
Valentina bussed him on the cheek, then tugged his arm upward. “You should hurry then. The sooner, the better. I want her to live with us from now on.”
“I love you, Valentina,” he said and pressed another kiss to the top of her head.
“I love you too, Papa,” she answered. “I love my new mama, too.”
Funny, but by marrying for love for Valentina, he discovered he was also marrying for love for himself. God, he’d be the luckiest man in the world with Nell and Valentina as his family.
James called for the nurse, then left to go to Nell’s room. He knocked once on the door, but with no answer.
When he knocked again, a maid opened the door. “Pardon me, my lord, I didn’t hear you.”
“Good morning, Lucy. It’s no concern.” He looked over the maid’s shoulder. “Is Lady Whitton here?”
“She’s packing to leave,” Lucy answered softly. “I was just on my way downstairs to fetch clean sheets.” With a slight curtsey, the maid left the room.
“Nell,” he said softly as he closed and locked the door. He didn’t want them to be interrupted as he spilled his guts to her. She hadn’t even acknowledged him as she was frantically packing her bag.
He walked to her side. “Nell, will you look at me?”
Her hands froze in mid-air. The clocked stockings in her hand gently floated to the bag.
“Nell?” He put his hands on her shoulders. “Look at me, my love.” When she slowly turned to look at him, the air was ripped out of his chest. “What is it?”
She shook her head and a slight sob escaped. “This will be my last time here.”
“As Lady Whitton,” James said, trying to lighten the mood between them. “That’s why I’m here. I have a question to ask you.”
“Don’t ask me.” She shook her head, and he pulled her close.
“Why?” By then, Nell had buried her head into his chest as if trying to hide. It immediately reminded him of the turtle that his aunt had told him about. He’d let her stay there for as long as she wanted. Perhaps she’d find the courage to say yes. Gently, he rubbed his hands up and down her back, one vertebra at a time. “I love you.”
The words on his lips and the rumble of his chest made Nell bury her head deeper into him. Everything inside her ached because her heart was crumbling into a million pieces. There was nothing she wanted more in life than to marry James and be Valentina’s mother. But she wasn’t that selfish. Being ruined was one thing, but when you ruined the ones you love, it was something entirely different. “I love you, but I can’t marry you.”
“Yes, you can,” he murmured. His hand stroking her back was the most exquisite feeling, his touch sure and warm. How lucky she was to have this memory. Another she would keep safe and pull out when the lonely nights would haunt her.
She forced herself to pull away, but still held on to him. “Don’t ask me, James. I told you why.”
His head tilted, and he examined her as if she were a clock and he was trying to figure out how to make her insides work.
It would be a useless endeavor. Everything within her was broken, including her heart.
“What about last night?” he said softly.
“That was a goodbye.”
For that, she earned his perfectly arched eyebrow. “Haven’t we learned anything from our years apart? All those years we spent in misery separated from one another. We have something incredible that few ever have the chance to experience.”
“What do I have to give to you?” she challenged. Her chest felt as if an elephant sat on it. She was doing her level best not to cry, but this was goodbye. A final goodbye, and her heart ached like no other. “Don’t you see? I can’t give you an heir. My family is ruined, and that includes me. I’m trying to do the right thing here.”
“How can you leave?” he asked. The directness of his gaze made her want to burrow into his chest again.
“I have to.