its scheming elves and greedy dwarves. We had to built an “appraise” skill just so players could keep up with them.
Later that night I wandered the office trying to think of reasons to leave, to go home and get some sleep. I saw that Lisa’s desk light was on. She was playing the last Realms of Gold game. I’d never actually seen her or anyone else playing it in the office. I stopped to follow the action. The game was in isometric view—not true 3-D, but as if the player is looking down at the world from above, at an angle. The characters looked like colorful, delicate paper dolls. I watched while Lisa carefully, patiently murdered everyone in the entire world.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Every day, I had in the neighborhood of twenty or thirty questions for Lisa.
Q: Hey, Lisa, can we have a pet wolf that follows you around and fights for you?
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: Pathfinding. The wolf has to follow you around all the time, but there are cases when that’s too hard to work out.
Q: Can we have Dark Lorac cast a spell to make himself a hundred feet tall?
A: No. Wait, does Lorac have to move around? We maybe do him as terrain.
Q: Never mind. Can the player dig a hole in the ground and wait for the monster to come by?
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: Because what if they decided to keep digging and dig away the entire continent? Plus, changing terrain creates bad pathfinding cases. Next version we’ll do it differently.
Q: Can the player cut down a tree?
A: No.
Q: Why not?
A: What if they dedicated their life to cutting down all the trees in the whole game?
Q: Exactly what kind of an asshole is this person?
SMALL HUMANOID CREATURES
goblin, warrior
goblin, chieftain
goblin, warrior, dead
goblin, chieftain, dead
orc, warrior
orc, chieftain
orc, warrior, dead
orc, chieftain, dead
human, farmer, male
human, farmer, female
human, town dweller, male
human, town dweller, female
human, merchant, male
human, merchant, female
human, nobleman
human, noblewoman
human, king
human, queen
human, warrior, male
human, warrior, female
human, magician, male
human, magician, female
human, rogue, male
human, rogue, female
human, farmer, male, dead
JESUS FUCKING CHRIST.
Friday was my first morning waking up underneath my own desk. My sleeping mind had decided that my sneakers were a good idea for a pillow. It was, let’s see, ten forty-eight. I’d been up until five doing terrain types. I sat up, but left my eyes closed for a moment and listened to somebody typing. Jared, I realized.
“Yo,” he said.
“Hey,” I said.
I took a moment to think about what I might look like, then had what seemed to my tired brain to be a profound epiphany: given that I had all my clothes on, and I knew where my shoes were, things were probably okay.
“Hey, Russell,” Jared said. “Are we doing mounts at all? Gabby says the art’s not hard.”
“Why not? Ask Lisa if we can.”
I levered to my feet and padded to the kitchen in my socks. I made coffee slowly, leaning against the counter. I’m already at work, I thought. Timewise, I am way ahead on my day.
I took the coffee to my desk. It didn’t actually feel that weird. Really okay, actually. Fuck parents, fuck having a real job. Maybe this is what we do.
Magic Items
Some items in Endoria were enchanted. People knew how to do these things. I started the list. Magic swords I knew how to do. Rings could be magic, duh. Wands and potions. But then couldn’t other things be magic? Decks of cards, rocks with holes in them, masks?
What caught my attention was the artifacts category. Singular items, storied, created by gods, legendary craftsmen, or powerful historical forces. On the very, very rare occasion the game generated one of them, it was taken off the list and couldn’t be generated again.
Brass Head: A male head of noble appearance, fashioned of brass. When heated to body temperature, its eyes move in sockets and it gains the power of speech. If damaged or opened, it is revealed to contain a small amount of sand. Can recite a character’s name and details of his or her history; clairvoyant. Glaurus VI was so taken with the Head’s abilities that he gave it a dukedom and an infantry command. History does not mention a Glaurus VII.
Dragon-Turtle Armor: A suit of plate armor evidently made of bone or shell, densely inscribed. Any damage it sustains will be distributed equally among nearby allied characters. Share my glory, friends. Share my doom.
Hyperborean Crown: What the fuck is the Hyperborean Crown? Why does anyone want it? Even Matt didn’t have an answer to this