vanished and the vibrant night life, chatter, and sounds from the machines turned to dead air.
I could barely make out my mother’s voice, just a few words here and there, but I knew something was wrong. Very wrong. I needed to hear better, so I stood and started walking. I didn’t know where I was going, all I knew was that I needed to find a less noisy location.
My heart raced, and the shock caused my body temperature to drop so low that I was shivering.
He’s dead. I heard her words clear as day as I got to the front of the casino. My heels clipped the large rug at the entrance. I stumbled forward, my short dress riding up and one heel nearly falling off. My knees hit the hard granite flooring and the phone fell from my hand.
Jace is dead. That’s what she said.
I imagine the people around me at the time thought I was drunk. I would have assumed that if I’d seen someone fall the way I had.
Margo Pierce was there to help me. Those damn cocktail rings were digging painfully into my arm as she helped lift me up. I stood there on wobbly legs just trying to breathe, but when I looked into her eyes, I could tell she knew.
I knew in that moment it was real. I could lie to myself, or I could have hung up and driven home, all the while in denial. But the sympathy in her eyes was damning.
I rip my eyes away from hers at the other side of the bar and return back to the girls, back to tonight, leaving that night in the past right where it belongs. I ignore the way my hand itches to drain the wine and order another cabernet and then another while I push my hair back over my shoulders, trying to relax. Trying to shake off the unwanted memory.
“I think you’re flagged,” Kat says into her glass even as her eyes meet mine. Her sandy brunette hair is colored with a subtle ombre and she’s applied her eyeliner in a cat-eye fashion. I don’t know why, but I can’t stop looking at it. Like if I can just concentrate on her makeup, everything else will leave me alone.
“No such thing,” Sue says, quick to come to my defense, an asymmetric grin gracing her lips. “Drink up, girly.” She gives me a wink and it forces a smile to my face. It didn’t take long for the girls to come find me that night, crying alone in the back of our limo.
With a burn pricking at the back of my eyes, I blink a few times to keep the tears at bay. It was months and months ago, but sometimes the pain comes back full force. I don’t know that it will ever go away and if it does, surely that would be a tragedy. I don’t know where grief and mourning end and my life begins again, but I’d like to find it.
Pushing away the nearly empty glass, I watch the dark liquid pool in the bottom and sigh deeply. I can’t seem to keep a smile on my face. The once easy mask isn’t slipping into place. Progress is all I need, though. I remind myself of my motto: Aim for progress, not perfection.
“Let’s talk about something and someone else,” I suggest. “Is anyone getting laid? One of us must be getting laid, right? At least Kat?” I arch a brow in her direction but her forehead creases in response and the action is followed by a huff and, “Yeah right.” Shit. I forgot she and her husband are going through something.
Way to put my foot in my mouth.
My skin pricks at the back of my neck as I feel another set of eyes on me. The anxiousness comes back and I put on my best fake smile, staring straight ahead as Maddie starts listing off what was wrong with her last rendezvous. This one was some guy she met online.
The nagging feeling doesn’t quit. I don’t know who it is, but someone’s watching me. It could be the paparazzi but typically every time I go out, they approach me before I even noticed them. I’m a socialite, after all, and I know the intrusion is part of this life.
Debating on taking a casual look over my shoulder, I shake off the paranoia. It’s all in your head, I tell myself. I thought I felt someone watching me earlier,