I shook my head. “Nash asked me the question last night. I couldn’t lie to him. I had to tell him the truth.”
“Oh shit. How did that go?”
“Not well,” I muttered.
“He was mad?”
“That’s an understatement,” I said. “He was furious.”
She sighed. “Do you blame him?”
“No, but he was rude.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Rude? You just told the man he had a son.”
“Joss, he dumped me because he didn’t want a family. He made it very clear he didn’t want a child. Even after we reconnected, he made sure I knew he didn’t want a kid.”
“I think if you asked a hundred parents if they wanted kids before they actually had kids, at least half of them would say no. It’s one of those things that you accept when it happens. When I found out I was pregnant, I can’t say I was one of those people jumping for joy. Were you?”
I shook my head. “No, but after the initial shock passed, I was happy to have him. I was terrified but I never once thought about running away.”
“Okay, he’s in shock. For him, he just found out he has a kid. He’s in that same stage you were when you found out you were pregnant.”
“I know, but he is so angry. Why is he mad at me? He’s the one who said he didn’t want a kid. I was doing him a favor. I didn’t drag him down. He was still starting out when he walked away. Imagine if he knew he had a kid and he wasn’t involved? I would be bitter. We would end up hating each other. Then Jace would be caught in the middle of a contentious co-parenting relationship. I know Nash. He is dedicated to his work. I would have been pissed at the missed parenting time. I know he would have stood Jace up.”
“Maybe but you didn’t give him the chance to fail,” she said.
“No and I’m not sad I didn’t let him fail my child,” I said defiantly.
“But, Saige, he didn’t get the chance to make any decisions. From what you’ve told me about him, he’s a strong man. I imagine you’ve stomped all over his pride. He’s used to being in control. This isn’t just about you protecting Jace. Nash is a part of this equation. He gets to have feelings. He gets to be mad he didn’t get to see his child brought into this world. He didn’t get to see the first steps or take him to school on the first day. I think you have to strip away the anger you feel in order to understand what he is feeling.”
I hated that she was right. “But what about Jace? Maybe I was wrong when I chose to keep the pregnancy from Nash, but that was my mistake. Jace should not have to pay for that mistake.”
“Why do you think he’s going to pay? Why not flip it around and think about what he gains? He gets a dad. A real living and breathing dad. You’ve been struggling with the idea of him not having a male figure in his life. Here’s the male figure. They already get along so well. Why not let them grow closer?”
I winced. It actually gave me physical pain to think of Jace being hurt by Nash. “I know I have to do something, but dammit, I swear if he hurts my son, I’ll kill him.”
“Jace has you. He will always have you. As much as we want to protect our babies, they have to stumble sometimes too. That’s why we are here.”
“Should I tell Jace?” I asked.
She wrinkled her nose. “I think that’s something you might want to hold back for now. You and Nash have a lot to work out. There’s no reason to bring Jace into the messy stuff yet.”
I blew out a breath. “I have felt this tightness in my chest since it happened. Really since the diner incident. Now that it’s all out in the open, I feel better and yet worse at the same time.”
“Why worse?”
I had to blink back tears. “I hurt him, Joss. I really hurt him.”
She reached out and grabbed my hand. “You didn’t mean to hurt him. I know that. You are not that kind of a person.”
“I never thought he would be hurt by this,” I said. “I kept replaying his