“You know, you don’t have to do anything,” he said.
“What do you mean by that?”
“She told you it didn’t matter. Your life doesn’t have to change. You can just keep doing what you do.”
I pushed my sunglasses on top of my head. “You’re right. Why didn’t I think of that? She isn’t demanding I be her kid’s father. I don’t have to be. I won’t. She can do whatever she wants. I won’t see him or her again. I’ve got other shit to worry about.”
The look on his face revealed his disgust and horror. I felt the same way. I couldn’t believe I just said it. I sounded just like my father. I pulled my sunglasses back down and looked at the water once again.
“You have to talk to her,” he said in a solemn voice. “This is going to eat you up.”
“I need to be alone,” I told him without looking in his direction.
“I’m not sure that’s a good idea.”
“It’s a fine idea,” I said. “I’ll call you later. I need to think.”
“All right, but if you want to talk, just call. This is big. It’s natural for you to be a little out of sorts. I’m here for you.”
“Thanks. You know the way out.”
“I do.”
He left me alone with my thoughts. She turned me into my father without me even knowing it. She made me abandon my son. The very reason I didn’t want children was because I didn’t want to be him. Now I felt like she pushed me into that box with him. I was no better than he was and to think I was actually considering taking her up on her offer to drift in and out of his life whenever I saw fit made me sick.
Was it inherited? Was Jace going to be a shitty father? Never before had I thought of myself as being responsible for another human. Now that I knew, I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. Writing a check wasn’t going to be good enough. I saw the struggles Jace was having due to not having a father in his life. I knew the struggles I faced.
“What the hell?” I murmured. What was I supposed to do with the information? I didn’t know how to be in Jace’s life. Now that her deception was out of the bag, was I supposed to pretend it didn’t happen and just go back to being friends? Was I supposed to give her money and hang out like I had been?
“Fuck me.”
Chapter 70
Saige
I felt hungover. I was hungover. Last night after Jace had gone to bed, I sipped on my wine. I sipped on a lot of wine.
I couldn’t shake his anger. It had kept me up all night. Even with the wine on board, I couldn’t get into a deep sleep. Images of him looking at me with anger and disgust fueled my sleeplessness. This was exactly why I didn’t want to tell him. I didn’t want him to be pissed at me. I wanted to explain it to him in a way that would help him understand why I did what I did. Unfortunately, I took too long, and he found out on his own. That was what I got for playing with fire.
“Jace, are you ready?” I asked.
“Almost,” he said. “I have to brush my teeth.”
I grabbed my purse and waited at the door for him. I could admit I was running away. I didn’t want to be at the house just in case Nash decided to come by. I couldn’t face him. I didn’t want Jace to be exposed to the negativity. Nash and I had to work out the details before we could drag Jace back into the mix.
I checked the time. It was still early for a Saturday. I was counting on Nash being busy with work or sleeping in. Jace came out of the bathroom with his backpack slung over his shoulders. “I’m ready.”
“What are you taking with you?”
“I have a book for Caitlyn, and I brought my new markers.”
I smiled. “That sounds like a good plan.”
We arrived at Joss’s house. Caitlyn and Jace disappeared into her room to color and talk about books. “They are such cute little nerds,” I said with a laugh.
“I hope they stay nerds forever,” she said.
“Me too. I’m totally okay with them studying all the time and hanging out at the library.”