a steady diet at this point of one small and one medium shake a day. There are two McDonald’s in Ramsey, so I alternate which one I go to, and whether I use the drive-through or the inside counter, so I don’t see the same staff people too often.
When I enter Gram’s room she is sitting where I usually find her these days, in the desk chair beside the window. I don’t know why that spot appeals to her. There’s not much of a view. Just some grass, a few trees, and the parking lot. It’s much nicer on the loveseat, where all of her family photographs and the television are in her line of vision. I kiss her on the cheek and sit down on the loveseat.
“What’s wrong?” Gram says. “What a face you have on, Gracie.”
“I don’t have a face on.”
“If you say so. Tell me, how’s Lila? I haven’t seen your sister in quite a while. Tell her she owes me a visit.”
“She’s been really busy lately. I think Lila might have a boyfriend.” I feel guilty as soon as the words are out, as I know this is something Lila wouldn’t want Gram to know.
Gram gives one of her pleased nods, a quick tuck of her chin. “How nice.”
We sit in silence. I study the black-and-white photographs on the wall and try not to be bothered by the fact that Gram is watching and waiting for me to break. Of course, I can’t keep quiet for long.
I gesture to the photographs, the jumble of smiling or unsmiling freckled McLaughlin children. “I heard a story about a family in your old neighborhood. The oldest daughter had a baby when she was a teenager and her mother adopted the baby as her own. Did that really happen?”
“The O’Connors.” Gram nods.
“Did the child ever find out who his real mother was?”
“Goodness, yes. When he was a teenager he started to get into a lot of trouble, which seemed odd, because the eight brothers and sisters ahead of him had been on the whole very good children. I believe he was caught smoking marijuana, and drove drunk several times. Wouldn’t listen to his parents, who were, of course, his grandparents. In the meantime, the oldest daughter, the child’s mother, had gone to college and ended up marrying her high-school sweetheart, the father of the boy. They had two or three children of their own by the time the boy started acting out. Everyone was very worried about him; he seemed headed for even bigger trouble. As a last-ditch attempt to save him, someone decided to tell him the truth. That his oldest sister was his mother, her husband was his father, and their children were his full-blooded brothers and sisters.” Gram shakes her head. “That really confused the boy for a few more years, but then he finally settled down. It was quite a scandal—everyone in the neighborhood was talking about it.”
“Aunt Angel came by this afternoon and asked me to give her my baby.”
I keep my eyes straight ahead on the pictures, on the faces of the children. I hear Gram’s sharp intake of breath. I think, Why did I say that? Why can’t I keep anything from her?
“Poor Angel,” Gram says after a minute. “I wonder if Johnny knew she was going to ask you.”
I rush out the words. “I said I wouldn’t do it.”
“Of course you did. You and I will raise this child up fine. I’m going to help you.”
When she says this, all the muscles in my body, which I hadn’t even known were tense, relax. I realize I had been worried Gram would think Angel had a good idea. That she would agree that any mother other than me would be best for my child.
Gram purses her lips. “Meggy and Angel stopped by this afternoon to see me, and Angel barely spoke. I didn’t think anything of it, though, because Meggy was running on at the mouth so, complaining about everything under the sun. I always hear her out and just hope that she’s not as unhappy as she says she is.”
“I think she just likes to complain.” I have to fight not to smile. I feel like I have won a victory. I am so glad I came to see Gram today instead of tomorrow. I am so glad my answer to Meggy and Angel was the right one. But I am also ready to leave. This day has been long and exhausting,