the girls; perhaps it’s time for me to be more aggressive. I resist calling ahead. After all, I’m their mother. I can just show up, can’t I? The idea makes me smile into the wind.
I turn up the radio. The Beach Boys come on with “California Girls.” I know all the words, and sing along. I feel light, carefree, young. It is so rare for my mind to unclench, for the worrying to stop. I am grateful when it does; I appreciate these moments. I don’t want the song to end. I pass Ramsey High School, the post office, my gynecologist’s office. I pass the road that leads to the Municipal Building, and beyond that, to my brother Ryan’s apartment. I sing loudly right up until I pull into Holly Court and into Gracie’s driveway. When the Beach Boys’ harmony dies away, I turn off the car engine and take off my sunglasses. I look up, and Gracie is standing in front of the car, her arms loose at her sides. She must have just gotten home. She looks beautiful, so grown up.
“Gracie,” I say, laughing, “don’t squint like that. It makes you look like an old lady.”
“What’s wrong? Is it Gram?”
I get out of the car with difficulty. I love my BMW, but it is so low to the ground that it’s a challenge to get out and still be ladylike. I keep smiling, but I heard the chill in my daughter’s voice, and now I have to work at it. “Nothing’s wrong. Can’t a mother stop by and visit her kids?”
Gracie’s face relaxes a little. “Of course. It’s just that you never do.”
“Well, perhaps I should have called first. God knows I hate it when people just show up at my house.” We are standing facing each other.
“Yours and Dad’s.”
“Pardon me?”
“It’s not just your house. It’s yours and Dad’s.”
My shoulders drop. I can’t win.
“I’m sorry,” Gracie says. “I’m just having this really weird day and then you scared me showing up like that.”
I try not to sound affronted. “I certainly didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Please don’t be overdramatic. I’d like to go inside and change. Do you mind?”
I think, I can fix this. I say, “Here’s an idea. Why don’t you keep that lovely suit on? You could put on nicer shoes and then we could all go out to dinner—you, me, and Lila. What do you think about that idea?” I touch her arm lightly, then bend down. Something has caught my eye. “What is that on your pants? Is that chocolate? What in the world—How did you get melted candy on yourself?” I scrape at the fabric with my thumbnail.
“Mother!” Gracie takes a long step away from me.
I straighten up. “You should soak those pants in cool water and take them to the dry cleaners first thing tomorrow morning. I bought you that suit, you’ll remember. You need to take better care of it.”
Gracie is hugging her waist. Her jacket bunches in the shoulders. She looks small and pale and, with the chocolate stain on her knee, like a child wearing grown-up’s clothes. She shakes her head. “How is Gram? Have you seen her since the accident?”
“I went to visit her the other day. She seems fine. A little quiet, maybe, but I think she was still shaken up. She asked me to pick up Ryan and bring him to Easter. Normally she would have brought him with her. But it’s understandable that she would feel less comfortable driving now.”
“She said she feels uncomfortable driving?”
“Not in so many words. But I’d be happy to know she was off of the road. She’s getting too old, Gracie, and her balance is shaky at best. Her giving up driving is the next logical step.”
“Toward what?”
“We’ll get her a driver when she needs to go somewhere, and they have a shuttle that runs into town every afternoon at the assisted-living center. It’ll be fine. She’ll be safe.”
“She’ll die.”
I sigh. “Nobody’s talking about dying. Your grandmother will outlive us all.”
Something ripples across Gracie’s face. I notice again how pale she is. She has such nice skin. Lila had blemishes as a teenager, but Gracie’s skin was always smooth.
“I don’t feel well, Mom. I think I caught some kind of bug. I need to go inside now. I’m sorry. Thanks for stopping by, though.”
“Oh, sweetheart, can I help you? Why didn’t you say something sooner?”
But Gracie is out of earshot before all the words are out of my mouth. She is