it yet, but I do. And that’s the happiest thing that could happen to me.”
In my head this conversation had always ended with good-bye, with her going weeping back up into the sunlight like Orpheus, leaving me alone to dissolve into the thickening dark. That didn’t really seem to be on the cards. The shift left me feeling very strange, light-headed and deflated all at once, scrabbling for footholds. I couldn’t find a way to explain to Melissa all the things she had all wrong. “No,” I said, pressing her hand against my cheek. “Listen. You don’t—”
“Shh.” She tiptoed to kiss me, a proper kiss, hands clasping at the back of my neck to pull me close. “Now,” she said, smiling, when she leaned away. “We need to feed Hugo or he’ll faint from hunger, and then you will have something to worry about. Put the toast on.”
* * *
By the next morning, Hugo seemed fine; stronger than he had in days, actually, humming as he puttered around the living room looking for some book he wanted to reread and was sure he’d seen just a couple of years ago. I went out to the bottom of the garden—I had taken to drifting down there for my cigarettes, so we could all keep pretending I didn’t smoke—and lay on the grass under one of the trees. Outside my patch of shadow the sun was blinding; gold coins of light spilled over my body, grasshoppers zizzed everywhere, yellow poppies bobbed.
I felt like talking to Dec, or even better, Sean. I hadn’t actually spoken to either of them since that visit in the hospital; they had kept the texts coming, and I had even managed to text them back once or twice, but that was as far as things had gone. I was starting to notice that I missed the pair of bollixes. When I had finished my smoke I rolled over onto my stomach and pulled out my phone.
Sean picked up almost instantly, and there was an urgency to his “Hello?” that startled me. “Dude,” I said. “How’s tricks?”
“Fuck me,” Sean said, and it was only with the rush of glad relief in his voice that I got it: when my number came up he had been scared shitless, that I was ringing to say good-bye, that it was my parents ringing to break the news— It occurred to me that I had been kind of a dick to Sean and Dec. “The man himself. What’s the story?”
“Not a lot. You?”
“Grand. Jesus, dude, I haven’t talked to you in— How’re you doing?”
“Fine. I’m down at my uncle Hugo’s. He’s sick.”
“He OK?”
“Not really, no. It’s brain cancer. He’s got a few months.”
“Ah, shit.” Sean sounded genuinely upset; he had always liked Hugo a lot. “Man, I’m sorry to hear that. How is he?”
“OK, considering. He’s at home. He’s kind of weak, but nothing too bad so far.”
“Tell him I was asking for him. He’s a good man, Hugo. He was good to us.”
“You should come over,” I said; I hadn’t known I was going to say it till I heard the words. “He’d love to see you.”
“You sure?”
“Definitely. Come.”
“I will. Audrey and I are going to Galway for the weekend, but I’ll come first thing next week. Will I bring Dec?”
“Do, yeah. I’ll ring him. How’s he getting on? Jenna stab him yet?”
“Fucking hell.” Sean blew out a long breath. “Like six weeks ago, yeah? when they’ve been back together about five minutes? she decides they need to move in together. I tell Dec he’d be bloody insane to do it, which he totally agrees with. Right up until Jenna throws a screaming wobbler and says he’s just using her for sex, and somehow by the end of the conversation Dec’s decided he has to prove she’s wrong by moving in with her.”
“Oh Jesus. We’ll never see him again. She won’t let him out the door.”
“Wait. It gets better. So they go apartment-hunting together, right? They pick out a nice little place in Smithfield, put down the security deposit and the first month’s rent, few grand. Dec gives notice on his place. And a week later—”
“Oh no.”
“Yeah. She breaks it to him that she was just punishing him for toying with her feelings, she’s got no intention of moving in with him, in fact she’s dumping him. Bye.”
“Shit,” I said. “How’s he doing?”
“He’s not great. I’ve been trying to get him out for a few pints, but he says he can’t be