was actually into him, why would she email him? Instead of just, like, hooking up with him?”
Rafferty shrugged. “Maybe she was nervous he was taking the piss, like she said. Or maybe she was playing hard to get. Or maybe she wasn’t into him, she was trying to make him slip up and do something that she could use as proof that he was harassing her—email her a dick pic, whatever. Or maybe she didn’t even know what she wanted.” Grinning again: “Teenage girls are mental, amn’t I right?”
“I guess.”
“That’s what everyone tells me, anyhow. So I wondered, at first. But then,” Rafferty said—easily, comfortably, leaning back on his elbows to enjoy the view of the garden—“I remembered those tweets. I already knew someone—not Susanna—who thought it was great craic playing with made-up identities online, to mess with people. And who was good at it.”
Another wave of cold hit me. It was coming up from the ground, into my bones. I couldn’t feel my feet.
“You sent Dominic those emails, am I right?”
“I don’t know,” I said. “I don’t remember.”
Rafferty blew out air, exasperated and amused. “Ah, Toby. Come on. Not that again.”
“I don’t.”
“What, you sent so many fake emails there’s no way you’d remember a few more? To a guy who died not long after?”
“No. I don’t—”
“OK. Let’s try it this way. Did you ever send anyone a fake email, back when you were a teenager?”
“Not that I remember,” I said. Actually I had a feeling that might not be true, me and Dec snickering at a school computer, Nah we have to tone it down he’ll never go for—
“Huh,” Rafferty said. “Remember a guy called Lorcan Mullan? He was in your class?”
“Yeah. What does he have to do with—”
“He says in spring of sixth year he got a few emails from a girl who fancied him. She wouldn’t tell him her name, just that she’d seen him around and thought he was hot. Lorcan wasn’t a big hit with the ladies—skinny and spotty, from what he says—so he was only delighted. She dropped hints that she was on the hockey team, stuff like that, so he’d know she was fit, right? And after a couple of emails back and forth she said she wanted to meet up. They set up a time and a place, Lorcan put on his getting-laid shirt and half a can of body spray; but when he got there, it was just you and your mate Declan, pissing yourselves laughing.”
It had been Dec’s idea. Dec bored in computer class, buzzing for trouble, getting that dangerous glitter to him: C’mere, let’s see who we can catch . . . It hadn’t been just Lorcan; it had been three or four guys, carefully chosen for gullibility and desperation and general loserhood, but apparently only Lorcan had been thick enough to go the whole way. “We were little shits back then,” I said. “All of us were. I bet someone tried to pull the same thing on me, at some stage.”
“Ah, you could’ve been a lot worse,” Rafferty said, fairly. “Even Lorcan admits that. He was expecting the two of ye to tell the world, and he’d be slagged out of it till he had to change school or maybe leave the country. But as far as he could tell, you never said a word to anyone. You weren’t in it to destroy him, like some people would’ve been. You were just having a laugh.”
Only we had said a word to someone, actually. Sean, not laughing along like we’d expected; instead (at his locker, stuffing books into his bag) giving us a look of mild disgust over his shoulder: Fuck’s sake. Lorcan? You want to fuck with someone, pick someone your own size. Give yourselves an actual challenge.
“So,” Rafferty said. “Seems like you might’ve had the same kind of laugh at Dominic. He had been fucking with your cousins; he deserved it, right?”
Surely we would have lost interest after Lorcan, moved on to some other dumb way to get our kicks. That had been Dec’s style; once would have been enough for him. And I would never have come up with the idea to start with if it hadn’t been for him, surely I wouldn’t have kept going on my own— But I had always cared about Sean’s opinion. That look of disgust had stung. Pick someone your own size.
“The emails,” I said. I was so cold I couldn’t imagine ever being warm again. “The ones to Lorcan.