on a sweatshirt before I search for Merric and something to eat.
The smell of syrup permeates the air, and my stomach growls, wondering what my mom is making this morning. She’s dressed in her Christmas apron, with music once again playing quietly. The lights on the tree sparkle, along with the candles in the entryway and on the dining room table.
I miss being home, and I’m so glad I have the next week to spend here with her.
“There you are! I was wondering when you were going to drag your bum out of bed. For a second, I was expecting to find you and lure you with breakfast.”
I’m grateful I ended up waking on my own, imagining the questions she’d probably have when she found me in bed naked.
She has the waffle iron out on the counter, a mixing bowl with batter sitting next to her, pouring more into the skillet before closing the top.
“Well, it looks like it’s just you and me now.” Her voice drops, a forlorn expression changing her face.
“Why? Where’s Merric?” Dread fills the pit of my stomach, not wanting to know what happened.
“I guess he had some business things he needed to tend to at the office. He wanted me to tell you he was sorry to leave you here, but he took care of arranging for you to have a rental to take back home. It’s already parked outside and everything.”
I circle the island, moving to the other side of the kitchen to peer out the window, seeing a black SUV parked in the driveway. Tears prick my eyes, and I try to blink them away, not knowing how I’d explain why I’m upset over Merric’s sudden departure.
My eyes trail over to the clock on the microwave, reading just after ten in the morning. He probably slipped out of bed just as the sun started to come up.
The fact he thought to arrange for an SUV to drive back tells me he had also thought ahead, wanting me to get back safely, considering how long our trip was here.
“I don’t mind some QT with my mama.” I force a smile I hope looks genuine. I open the cabinet and pull out plates, focusing my energy on helping her with breakfast.
And that’s how the next week goes, too. I tell myself it’s ridiculous to be hurt over how things went with Merric, especially when I know he has been dealing with a lot before coming to Richmond.
A part of me wishes I would’ve pressed him more. Every time I thought about asking him about the kiss we shared three years ago, I’d pull back. I tried to remember the agreement we made and bringing up what it meant to me would muddy the waters.
Considering how he left things after that night, I’m not the least bit surprised he took off. We had discussed how it wouldn’t lead to anything more, and I need to hold up my end of the agreement.
I don’t even have Merric’s number saved in my phone, so I’d have to ask my mom for it if I want to reach out to him. It isn’t something I want to do.
He’s conflicted about me. No matter how badly I want to talk to him, I know whatever is holding him back is something he has to work out on his own. He has to want this, and I deserve someone who isn’t going to push me away at every turn.
The days leading up to Christmas are spent mostly at home. We’re expecting to get more snow, so we spend the Sunday before Christmas in the kitchen baking all day. We have three different types of cookies, chocolate-covered pretzels, and cake balls.
By the time I go back to school, I feel confident I will have gained ten pounds. I’m eating my feelings and tell myself I’d pull my shit together when the new year comes.
One morning, I meet up with a couple of girlfriends from high school for coffee, catching up on life. It’s nice to get out of the house for a little bit and do something with myself. Although, driving the rental Merric got for me only makes it harder for me to get him off my mind.
We spend Christmas Day with our family. My mom, always loving to plan any party, pulls out all the stops to make it a special day for everyone. Aside from my mom, everyone else shows up with someone. I haven’t been in a serious