my fingers lower to cup him.
“Jesus.” He sucks a deep breath. “What are you doing to me?”
There’s something so arousing about how his body reacts to me. I love how he lets me find our pleasure while never letting go of my throat, reminding me who’s in control.
I rub my hand over him, dipping my fingers beneath the waistband of his pants and into his boxer briefs. His cock jolts when my finger brushes over the smooth tip, tracing the small bead of cum leaking.
I slide back on his legs, giving myself more room to explore his body, and he releases his hold on me.
“I want to taste you,” I moan, moving to stand in front of him. I step away to grab my pillow off the couch, tossing it on the floor at his feet. I grin devilishly, his jaw ticking at the sight of me kneeling before him.
He reaches his hand out, dragging his thumb over my lower lip before I suck it into my mouth.
“Do you know how hard it was for me to try to sleep earlier, knowing you were here, and we had the house to ourselves?”
“Why did you?”
“I never thought this would happen. Not again.”
His words, the admission, are mixed with guilt and hesitation.
“Did you want it to, though?” My voice cracks at the end, revealing my uncertainty. It’s not at all from my own reservations, but the fear of him pushing me away again.
He falls back against the chair, his eyes focusing on something behind me before I move to climb back on his lap. I push on his chest, trying to force the response out of him, but it doesn’t come.
Like a pendulum swinging, he was hot, and now we’re back to cold Merric.
“Answer me!”
“Of course I did, Oaklyn. I do. It just… it doesn’t change the fact how in the back of my mind, I know when we wake up tomorrow and we’re faced with reality, how messy this will end up being.”
I nod, hating the sting of rejection from him.
He reaches for me when I pull back, moving off his lap. I push his hand away from me, no longer interested in continuing this conversation.
“Oaklyn, wait. I wasn’t saying…”
“Good night, Merric!” I interrupt, picking up my shirt off the floor, tugging it over my head. I don’t bother to grab my pillow, knowing there’s another one in my bedroom.
“Please don’t go. That didn’t come out the right way.”
“Don’t worry about it, Merric. Nothing you say ever does. We’ll pretend nothing happened tomorrow. Okay? We don’t need anything getting messy for you.”
He drops his hand, letting out an exasperated sigh.
There’s nothing to be worried about because, as far as I’m concerned, this whole thing never happened. It was all a dream. If only I could wake up and forget it like all the others.
Chapter Four
Just like I had expected, when we wake the next morning, it’s as though nothing ever happened. Standing in the kitchen, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, I get lost staring outside at the snow over the rolling hills.
The view from the sliding glass doors overlooking the patio is breathtaking. I think about what Merric had said last night. It has me thinking about what life would be like if I woke up next to Merric every morning. If this was where we lived together, and we never had to face the reality of our situation.
The sound of his throat clearing behind me breaks me from my thoughts, turning to find him watching me. A pensive expression is on his face and I wish for once I could read him better, but as always, his thoughts are his and his alone.
“Did you sleep well?”
I smile in disbelief. Is he serious?
“Not at all.”
He nods as if saying I’m not the only one. I want to push him more about what he said last night. Ask him why things had to be messy. It was the reason I had hardly gotten a wink of sleep.
I get the feeling this is who Merric is. He doesn’t let anyone get too close to him, and anyone who does, he only pushes them away.
“I’ll get my stuff together and will be ready in about fifteen minutes,” I murmur.
He nods but doesn’t move from where he’s standing at the end of the island facing me. When I move to pass by him, his arm reaches out, stopping me. The feel of his hands on me causes my body to flinch. I wince, hating