“No. That says: Welcome to Jamaica and Have a Nice Day”.’
Karen immediately creased up with laughter. Emma regarded her mother sourly. Her mum had been here for all of ten minutes but had somehow instigated a situation where it was perfectly acceptable to talk about the size of men’s todgers.
‘Are you feeling better now?’ Jezz asked Emma.
‘Not particularly,’ she growled.
‘In which case’ – he turned to Karen – ‘can you fetch me some chocolate from the chiller?’
‘Sure,’ said Karen. ‘Um, is it okay if I have some too? I can never say no to chocolate.’
‘Help yourself,’ said Jezz. ‘And while you’re out there, would you mind checking on your friend Willow too? I don’t want a shop full of fainting females.’
‘Certainly,’ said Karen, flashing Jezz a smile. ‘Thankfully I’m made of tougher stuff. I won’t be fainting when you do my tattoo.’
‘Your tattoo?’ said Emma, frowning at her mother.
What was her mum playing at?
‘Since when were you getting a tattoo?’
‘Since now. If you must know, I came out today to avoid the landline ringing. First it was your father calling from Australia, and then your brother. And not just once. Several times over. Noah is hassling about staying in December. He’s even talking about spending Christmas in England.’
‘And what’s wrong with that?’ said Emma.
‘Everything,’ said Karen in annoyance. ‘I don’t need any additional reminders about the past. Seeing all this body art’ – she waved a hand at the other two artists on the far side of the studio – ‘has made me realise that something substantial has been missing from my life.’
‘What, like a gigantic tattoo?’ said Emma sarcastically.
‘Yes, maybe,’ Karen cried. ‘Perhaps I’ll have a butterfly on my thigh too.’
‘Oh don’t copy me, Mum,’ said Emma in exasperation.
‘Can I suggest’ – Jezz said to Karen – ‘that you put some thought into this. After all, it’s a momentous occasion. And anyway, I don’t have time to do you as well today. You need an appointment.’
‘Okay, that’s a date,’ said Karen winking at him. ‘I’ll come back and let you give me lots of pricks another day.’
‘Great,’ said Emma, determined to break up her mother’s flirtatious innuendo once and for all. ‘So, back to me. Let’s get this done.’
Thirty-Nine
Charlie let out a gusty sigh that earned him a curious look from Ben.
‘That sounds like a man breathing out a shedload of stress.’
‘Yeah,’ Charlie nodded. ‘Something like that.’
The two men were seated at a small table in a pub next door to their hotel. They were having a pre-dinner drink before meeting up with some colleagues who’d also been at the work convention.
Earlier, when they’d all filed out of the business auditorium, there had been an almost carnival mood. Charlie knew he wasn’t the only one looking forward to a night of unwinding without wives, girlfriends, or secret mistresses keeping tabs on their men’s whereabouts.
‘Do you mind me asking’ – Ben leant in close to avoid being overheard by anyone – ‘what the heck is going on in your private life?’
‘I could ask the same of you,’ said Charlie, dodging Ben’s question. ‘You told me you’d met someone but won’t tell me anything about her.’
‘Touché,’ said Ben. ‘But, unlike you, I’m now a single guy.’
‘I’m single too,’ Charlie protested.
‘No, you’re not. You have a partner. Her name is Willow. Ring any bells?’ he said sarcastically.
‘It’s certainly not dinging any wedding bells, because she hasn’t got a ring on it.’
‘Bloody hell, mate,’ Ben spluttered. ‘Don’t you have a conscience? Willow is a sweet girl. An absolute diamond. You’ve been playing away, and even if you won’t give me all the details, nothing can change the truth of the matter. How do you imagine Willow would feel if she discovered what you get up to behind her back?’
‘Look,’ said Charlie, spreading his palms wide. A gesture of coming clean. ‘Believe it or not, this week has been a defining one for me.’
‘What does that mean?’ said Ben, looking confused.
‘It means – and don’t ridicule me when I say this – I’m actually thinking of settling down.’
‘Mate, you already are “settled down”,’ Ben pointed out. ‘You have a joint mortgage with a beautiful lady who’s been sharing not just your bed these past few years, but also your life.’
‘Yeah, yeah’ – Charlie waved one hand dismissively – ‘but when I say “settle down” I really do mean that I’m seriously considering foregoing anyone else.’
Charlie momentarily contemplated his pint of lager.
‘I think I might have finally grown up.’
Ben snorted.
‘About flipping time. After all, it’s