I kept it up.
“But, the thing with that kind of lifestyle is, it’s only okay for so long before it catches up with you. And when I was twenty-eight, I was on my way to work and got into a horrific car accident. I killed a man and his eight-year-old daughter on their way to school.”
My gaze dropped to the table and her barely-touched gin and tonic. Vinnie had abused drugs and alcohol, and for that reason, he never touched it. How could she be drinking now?
“I was addicted to what the alcohol did for me, not the alcohol itself,” she said gently, and I looked back to her, surprised and feeling like I’d been caught. The kindness in her smile wrapped around me like a warm hug and I relaxed. “A lot of people wonder how I can have a drink every once in a while, without feeling tempted, so I just thought I’d clear the air now. I can’t read minds.”
I snorted. “I was about to be really impressed.”
Tracey laughed, shaking her head. “No, my thing isn’t that cool.”
Pulling in a deep breath, I glanced toward the bar and saw Goose. He had buried himself behind the bar, occasionally flicking his angry gaze toward the juke box, where a group of drunken girls were hovering. I smiled faintly, knowing he was struggling to hide his fuming assumption that they’d feel tempted by Lynyrd Skynyrd. The thought reminded me of my first date with Vinnie, which only reminded me of why I was here.
“So … what happened?” I asked, turning back to Tracey and wishing she’d just skip to the answers I was desperately searching for.
“Oh, right.” She cleared her throat and sat up straight, as her smile faded with the memories of her past. “While I was in the hospital after the accident, I obviously couldn’t drink and the only thing that they had me on was some very mild painkillers. I was bombarded with the messages again, but I felt I deserved it, like it was a punishment for what I had done. So, I dealt with it for weeks, just being harassed by this … thing I hated so much. Until I was visited by that man and his daughter.”
My eyes grew wide at the shocking twist in her story. “Whoa.”
She pursed her lips and nodded. “Up until that point, I had never taken the time to really pay attention to what they had to say. But when they came to me, I knew I needed to, if only for my peace of mind. And the amazing thing was, they had forgiven me. They had …” Tracey took a deep breath and shook her head, almost as though she couldn’t quite believe it all herself. “They had understood that I was troubled, and that they had become a part of my story, as horrible as that is. But, they did have a message for their wife and mother, and for the first time, I did as Spirit wanted. I found that woman, let her yell at me and cry, and then, I gave her the message. Everybody was at peace, including me, and … I don’t know, ever since then, I realized what good I could do for this world. I might not have asked for this ability, but it was given to me for a reason. So, I use it.”
Her story was touching and inspirational, but she still hadn’t answered my question.
“But,” I began, moving gently back to the initial subject at hand, “how do you turn it off?”
Tracey leveled me with a soft glare and shook her head. “I don’t,” she said, and I deflated with a sorrowful exhale. “Honestly, I don’t want to. Sure, it does get in the way sometimes, but I just accept it as a part of my life.”
“How can you even have a life?” I asked, exasperated. “I can barely make it through a date with my boyfriend without them distracting me. They’re always there.”
“Well … does he know?”
I narrowed my eyes defensively. “What?”
“Does your boyfriend know you see ghosts?”
“God, no,” I scoffed, shaking my head.
She cocked her head like a curious dog. “Why not?”
I rolled my eyes back to Goose and his angry glares toward the drunk girls, who had in fact chosen “Sweet Home Alabama.”
“Because he would think I’m a freak. And he wouldn’t want to be with me anymore.” And just the thought of not being with Vinnie, the first guy I’d truly felt anything for,