strangers online, sharing the video as if they had all the right in the world to. I read a few comments but couldn’t keep scrolling. None of these people knew me. They didn’t know the circumstances behind this tape, and no one seemed to care. They just reveled in the drama and the takedowns. Not all the comments were bad, but that didn’t matter. One hateful tweet outweighed a dozen kind ones, every single fucking time.
Nothing mattered.
The phone dropped back to the floor. I took a breath. I needed to somehow regain control. This intense spiral had to be stopped. I got up from the floor and went to the sink, letting the water run ice-cold. It pooled in my cupped hands. I splashed it across my face.
Again, and again.
The man staring back at me, face dripping wet, was the same man from the video, and yet somehow, I looked like a stranger to myself. I didn’t recognize my face, my beard. My stomach.
Benji can do so much better than me.
The negative thoughts gained control. Cold tap water did nothing to hold them at bay.
He doesn’t need to deal with all my bullshit.
Water dripped down my chin, wetting my shirt, darkening the gray in splotches across my chest.
He doesn’t need me.
Benji could have anyone he wanted. His entire life was on the upswing; meanwhile, mine was taking a nosedive straight into the dirt. It didn’t make sense for me to hold him back, even though his words still rung in my head: “Everything is perfect.”
I didn’t see it that way. And now my naked body was being shared across the internet without my consent. This was far, far from perfect.
My phone, already barraged with text messages, started to ring. I looked down, ready to deny the call. Whoever it was, I didn’t care. I didn’t want to speak to anyone.
Not even Mav.
I hung up on my best friend. He must have stumbled on the leak. He called again, and I hung up again. What could he possibly tell me that would make any of this all right? It would be a waste of everyone’s time. No, I just needed to sit in this bathroom until the sun went down and I could figure out what my next move would be. Maybe I could use the money before my dad took it back? He’d definitely be emptying my account now. This leak was meant to hurt him as much as it was meant to hurt me, if not more so.
More ringing. I went to hang up, but my finger slipped, accepting the FaceTime call. Maverick’s worried expression filled my screen.
“Rex, Rex, don’t you dare hang up. Where are you right now?”
“In the bathroom. The guesthouse.”
“Okay, okay. Good. Just breathe, Rex.”
I listened to his suggestion, focusing on my breath. It didn’t help much. My breathing started coming in short waves, the precursor to a full-blown panic attack.
“I’m so sorry Theo couldn’t find the tape before it leaked, but you have to be strong right now. This looks like a massive iceberg in front of you, but in the rearview, it’s going to look like a tiny ice cube. You just have to get past this.”
“I don’t know how.” I shook my head, almost dropping the phone again. “It’s out there now. One Google search and the video will pop up. A video of my fat ass going down on a guy. How can I come back from that, Mav? There’s no way.”
“There is a way, and it involves you being strong and taking control of the narrative. This was a video taken without your consent and shared online—anyone who’s viewing it should feel ashamed of themselves, and that’s the point that needs to be hammered home.” Maverick’s frown deepened. “I’ve known you since we were fifteen years old. I’ve seen you go through so much shit, and you’ve always come out the other end stronger. This won’t be any different.”
“It will be, though.” I let myself fall back against the door. The frame rattled. “This time it’s beyond different.”
This time, I have your little brother to think about, too.
“I’m already hiring a tech expert to scrub the video from the internet, and I’ve got a few lawyer friends already working on shutting down whatever sites are hosting it.”
That was the first bright spot since the storm had rolled in. “Thank you, Mav. You’ve been helping me through this from the beginning… thank you.”
More tears, except these felt a little more hopeful than