Vampires Never Get Old - Zoraida Cordova Page 0,33

2014!) technology pings your location and someone is sent to move you to a safe, or safer, situation. Because we can’t exactly have you waking up at the Gateway of India or the Taj Mahal or the Charminar as a new baby vamp. You’d ravage the place. Now, we know what you’re thinking, I never downloaded VampersandTM. Of course you didn’t. It’s spyware attached to every social media app on your phone. Clever, right? We’re tech geniuses. I mean, we are Indian. Mark Zuckerberg keeps trying to poach our IT people. We may be bloodsuckers, but we’re not fascists. Sorry, Zuck. Hard pass.

So here’s an important rule. Since the 1975 Paris Accords, International Vampire Law forbids siring of individuals under the age of sixteen. But India’s regulations, all of South Asia’s really, go further. Desi vamps do not sire anyone under the age of eighteen. The harsh truth is that you are an underage vamp, and an Angrez British tourist likely turned you. Illegally. Ever since Brexit, there’s been a surge in illegal sirings. The British Vampire Council can’t seem to keep their brethren in order. There are complaints from all over Asia about Angrez vamp tourists flouting the law and taking excessive liberties. No surprise, right? They’ve always had a problem respecting the sovereignty of other nations. Colonialism: Sucking your country dry and leaving you to bleed out since 1600! And they call us vampires.

Things have gotten so out of hand that recently the Black, Asian, and Minority Ethnic (you know, BAME!) British vampires have broken off—formed their own coalition to adhere to international accords, even if their nation fails to. Dare we say it? They’ve partitioned themselves from the British Vampire Council because of its insistence on policies rooted in imperialism, orientalism, and an unfortunate intolerance of spicy food. You might even cross paths with a vigilante BAME vamp attempting to stop illegal sirings. They’re basically badasses with darling accents.

TLDR: Gumnaam is here for you.

We came together when we realized that it’s not merely the occasional drunk vamp violating the law; it’s a disturbing trend. There had been no new teen vamps for decades, and the ancient ones generally keep to themselves and are, well, sort of like that one great-uncle who always asks you for help with his phone because he downloaded a new OS but also accidentally erased his data and now can’t find the thousand blurry pictures he took at so-and-so’s wedding.

We stepped into that vacuum! We’re here to answer your questions, but more importantly, to be your community. To let you know you’re not alone. Desi Vampires Saath Saath.

WHO ARE YOU?

Well, besides a newly sired vampire. You are all different religions, or maybe of no religion. You speak different languages. You’re from different regions. Some of you may think your souls have been damned. Some of you may believe you are somehow unnatural. That you’re one of the ancient supernatural creatures of desi myths and faiths.

Let’s take a moment to clarify.

You’re not a jinn—they’re shape-shifters made from smokeless fire.

You’re not a rakshasa—a lot of them are shape-shifters, too, born from the breath of Brahma, warriors.

You’re not a ghul—okay, they’re considered undead, too, but they’re more flesh-eating than bloodsucking. Additionally, they have this nifty skill of being able to take the form of the person they’ve most recently eaten. And they are also shape-shifters! Apparently this whole region is big on the shape-shifting. Alas, you can’t do that. Would that we could.

You’re not a demon. Remember, we disavow that slur and that theory. Your soul hasn’t been devoured by an evil entity—like, you weren’t suddenly changed into a billionaire American CEO who thinks he can run a country or a life force–sucking capitalist who flies his private jet to Davos to bemoan global warming and doesn’t get the irony. You’re a vampire.

You are what you always were. If you were a studious nerd in your human life, guess what? You still are! And good on you for working so hard to pass your higher secondary examination. If it feels all for naught, don’t fret! We are working with the minister of education to allow you to sit for the exam, even if there’s no college you can go to. Yet. If you were a morning person who loved nothing more than an early wake-up call and sunrise jog, we’re so sorry. It’s going to suck for a while, and not in a good way.

Vampires are creatures of the night—sunlight is not our friend. Many of