awake all night wondering what provoked Hayden to get a heart pierced with a dagger forever inked on his back. And what was the point of the Italian words for Never Again scrolled through it?
When I told him I hoped he’d tell me what the words meant, I wanted him to tell me the significance. Never again what? But the way he pulled away when I touched him told me one thing. I’d never find out.
I was so stupid. I made the ridiculous agreement. I agreed to be friends, or whatever we were, and not ask questions or be seen together. That’s why when I gave him the perfect opportunity to ask me not to go to the formal—or to join me—he didn’t. He followed his rules.
Why did I ever think I’d be able to do the same?
Maybe I was stupid for bringing up the dance. Truthfully, I felt like he’d abandoned me the last few days. Needy. I know. Sure, he’d apologized, but not seeing him made me question what was going on with us. Maybe mentioning the dance had been my pathetic attempt to get a reaction.
I huffed out my confusion. I’d never fall asleep with my mind such a mess, so I headed into the kitchen. It was after one when I settled on the sofa with my warm glass of milk. Again.
Just as I lifted the remote to find something to watch, laughter trickled in from the hallway. I jumped up and moved to the door, lowering my eye to the peephole.
Hayden stumbled by with two bottle blondes giggling at his sides. I watched in shock, as their hands traveled all over his body as he struggled to unlock his door.
Why were they touching him? Why was he letting them?
My heart sank.
He got the door open, and the blondes slipped inside. Before following them in, he glanced over his shoulder and eyed my door.
Did he want me to see them?
Anger fused with embarrassment.
I’d been so stupid. Leopards didn’t change their spots. I should’ve seen it coming. I’d been played for a fool. There was no misconstruing it. The truth slapped me across the face, and it was time I paid attention. Time I saw Hayden for who he really was.
My knees wobbled as I turned from the peephole. With my emotions in complete disarray, I sank to the floor.
Maybe I was to blame.
We didn’t even have a real relationship. I’m the one who let myself believe we did. Believe there was something else there. Something that could grow and turn into more. I’m the one who became too involved. The one who let him in. The one who let him rescue me when I should’ve been rescuing myself. The one who’d been fooling myself.
Hayden never promised me more. Sure, he said he needed this. But maybe I mistook that for needing me.
I’d read somewhere that after traumatic experiences, people did crazy things like latch on to things that could potentially make them happy. Potentially erase the pain. Potentially replace the sadness. Some chose drugs. Some chose liquor. I chose Hayden.
I ignored the warning signs. The unanswered questions. The secrets. I held onto the good moments that were few and far between.
A soft tapping pulsed against my back before I even heard the knocking. My eyes shot around my aunt’s dark living room. Had I imagined it? I’d been doing that a lot. Imagining things that weren’t there.
But when the tapping continued, I crept to my feet and checked the peephole.
With my anger beyond the boiling point, I threw open the door. “What?” I spat.
Hayden glanced up, his bloodshot eyes secured on mine.
I waited for him to speak. To explain his actions. To apologize for leading me on. But he just stared at me.
In the past the sensation accompanying that heady gaze sent my heart racing, but now, as he stood no more than two feet away, it was as if miles separated us.
This time the unspoken words spoke volumes.
I wouldn’t play his game any longer. He needed to actually say the words.
But his silence stretched on.
I waited him out. I wasn’t going to sleep after what I’d witnessed. What I knew lingered behind his door. I had all night. Besides, he’s the one who showed up in the middle of the night at my door.
His long sleeve gray Henley over his strong arms and faded jeans low on his hips showed a man. His defeated expression showed a sad little boy I could almost feel sorry