Add to it his breath on the back my neck, and I was about to self-combust.
Deep in the back of my throat I groaned, unable to stop the low primal sound even if I wanted to. I had a mind to spin around in his arms so I could look into those intoxicating eyes and offer myself up to him on a silver platter.
But my rational side reminded me he never had the same girl over more than once. This moment in his bed might’ve been all I ever got if I took it any further. And though I wanted nothing more than to surrender to Hayden and the sensations of his magical hands, I couldn’t risk losing him. He was the only one I had.
I sighed. “I really have to go.”
Hayden chuckled at my indecisive tone. “You can run but you can’t hide.”
HAYDEN
Holy shit.
I rolled onto my back and scrubbed my hands over my face. What was happening? All night I’d slept like a baby with Alex in my arms. I think she had it all wrong. The only miracle worker around these parts was her.
She had no idea what nightmares plagued my dreams every night—except the two nights I’d slept next to her.
I scrubbed my face again, my morning stubble prickling my palms. What the hell was I doing? She’d just lost her parents. Everything she’d ever known. She’d been drugged and abandoned. She was too vulnerable. Too lost. And as much as my body was telling me it could work, I knew better.
“What are you thinking?” Alex asked.
I dropped my hands and linked them behind my head, marveling at her sweet little body leaning against my door frame. “Just wondering what was taking you so damn long.”
Coward.
Alex moved to the bed and slipped back under the covers. This time, instead of staying on her side, she snuggled into my side and rested her head on my chest. I instinctively went rigid. I knew she felt it. But she didn’t let go. She held on tighter. “This is new for you, huh?”
I gave my body a minute to relax before nodding.
“Why do you think you sleep with so many girls and not take it any further?”
“Who said I sleep with so many girls?” I couldn’t help feeling a little embarrassed. Even if it was the truth.
“Well, my aunt might’ve mentioned it. Then your friend mentioned my expiration date. And I’ve seen—”
“You’ve been spying on me?” I looked down at her coffee-colored waves spread over my chest like they belonged there. It took all my willpower not to tangle my fingers through the soft locks.
Alex smiled into me. “Maybe.”
I rolled onto my side, wrapping my arms around her waist. I couldn’t hold off any longer. It was the first time we’d been this close for an extended period of time. It was the first time the front of her soft body pressed against my chest and I didn’t want to jump out of my skin. It was the first time I seriously considered crashing my mouth down on hers.
When her eyes lifted, a longing I hadn’t expected filled them. How could I not be honest with her after everything she’d shared with me? “I hardly see them.”
Alex’s brows squished together. She had no idea what I was talking about.
“The girls I sleep with,” I clarified. “I hardly see their faces. It’s their bodies I lose myself in for a few minutes, not them.”
“A few minutes, huh?” she teased.
I smirked. “Oh, you want to go there?”
She shook her head with a snicker.
But the gravity of the conversation sobered me. “Seriously, they’re a place for me to forget what I’ve got going on. They mean nothing.” I could see the sarcasm in her eyes morph to disappointment. Like she finally saw me for the asshole I was. “Believe me, I’m up front with them. They know when they come over here, that’s all I’ve got to offer.”
“When’ll it stop?”
The question took me aback. I’d never even considered stopping. I’d never had a reason to. “I guess when I finally see her face.”
Alex nodded, seemingly understanding.
But could she ever fully grasp the emptiness? The nothingness? The void within me? It was a black hole.
“Why’d you sign me up for the audition?”
Whoa. Talk about a one-eighty. “Because you wouldn’t have done it yourself.”
“Bullshit.”
“What?”
She cocked her head. “Have you ever signed up any of your girls for something without them knowing?”
“I just told you, they’re not my girls.” I couldn’t decide if I was