looked genuinely pissed she would think that.
Maybe it was a combination.
Jake was making her feel crazy. As usual.
She lifted her chin and met his gaze. “It wasn’t like I was enough to make you stick around.”
“I had enlisted. That wasn’t something I could just undo.”
She knew that. In the rational part of her brain, she knew that. She also knew Jake had been as surprised at what had happened between them on prom night and their night at the river as she had. To turn his life upside down because of some accidentally great sex with a girl he’d barely noticed before he took her to prom as a favor to his mother would have been stupid.
But the emotional part of her brain—the part that was much bigger and more insistent than she wanted it to be most of the time—was still hurt.
“Maybe, but you never called or wrote me while you were gone.”
“I was in basic training. I was overwhelmed. By the time I settled in, I’d gotten a letter from you. A letter telling me you were sorry for what had happened and that you’d used me.”
She pressed her lips together. He was mad. That was clear. And she knew he had a right to be. But there was something else in his tone. Exasperation, yes, but also . . . affection? That couldn’t be right.
“I was eighteen, Jake. And shook up. And scared. I didn’t handle everything the way I should have or the way I would now. But I did use you. I loved your parents; I had this big dream of living this perfect life in Chance. It’s completely stupid, and I blame it on being a teenage girl who sucked down too many Fuzzy Navels too fast, but yes, you kissed me and I started picking out bridesmaid dresses in my head.”
“It wasn’t about me at all?” Jake asked.
She became aware that his thumbs were under the hem of her top and that they were stroking back and forth over the bare skin at her waist.
She also became aware that she was sitting on his lap. He’d put her there, but she’d been so caught up in the emotions and memories, she hadn’t been aware. Now she was. It seemed Jake was very aware of her, too.
Still, she shook her head. “It wasn’t about you.”
“All the Oh, yes, Jakes were about getting to decorate cakes with my mom?”
His thumbs had moved higher and were now stroking over her ribs.
She pressed her lips together and nodded.
“All the More, more, mores were about getting to drink the crappy coffee at the police station every day?”
She nodded again, but her breathing hitched when his thumbs met the underwire of her bra.
“How about now?” he asked gruffly. “Now you’re a kick-ass fire chief who’s decorated her own house and has plenty of other people to go to lunch and shopping with. What are you using me for now?”
Avery focused on his mouth. “Orgasms.”
His mouth curled into a grin. “Uh-huh. Well, keep in mind I’ve been not over you for about ten years. My mom and dad might have been a part of your life for fourteen years, but I’ve held on for ten even after you tried to push me away. I think that should count for something.”
She shook her head. The too-big, too-hopeful-in-spite-of-everything, emotional part of her brain really liked the point he’d just made. However, the rational part of her brain was small but mighty.
“That’s because your ego is stronger than any other force in the universe.”
His smile died, and she looked up into his eyes. He was dead serious now. “That’s what I would have said yesterday, too,” he told her. “But now I realize it’s because you came back to Chance as a firefighter in spite of everything.”
She frowned. “What do you mean?”
He gave a soft snort-chuckle, but he still didn’t smile. “All of these people were pushing you away, dumping you out on your own, making you feel unimportant, but instead of leaving Chance forever and giving up your dream, you did exactly what you’d wanted to do anyway. You put yourself through school, got your master’s on your own, came back to Chance, bought a house, and made your life. And you gave them the middle finger by becoming a firefighter instead of a cop. Don’t think for a second my dad doesn’t realize he lost out on one of the best officers he would have ever had.”
Avery stared at Jake, emotions