like that more than I would ever be able to express. But on the other…
“Talk to me, Baby Girl. I’m not Coop, I don’t have magical insight into what’s going on behind those stunning eyes of yours, but I’m right here. If I can fix it, I will. If you just need me to listen, I can do that, too.”
“You’ll call it like it is, though.” Because Jake had never pulled his punches with me. Except, you know, asking me straight out to be his girlfriend.
He tugged my hair gently. “Yep, so tell me what you want.”
“I want to understand.” And I thought that Jake, of all people, would get that.
“Okay, let’s start with the pieces you want to understand—why your mother told Archie’s father what she did?” He ticked it off on his fingers. “Why did your grandparents and mother cut ties with each other? Why there’s a trust fund? Who are your grandparents?”
“Who is Maddy too,” I added to that list. “How much do I take after her?”
“Fine, to the first one, and not a fucking bit to the second. She’s a selfish bitch, and you don’t have a selfish bone in your body.”
I cut him a smile at the resoluteness in his voice. “I love you too.”
“I know.” He winked. “Do you want to add who is your actual father or not to that list?”
“I have no idea.” That nagging headache resumed its dull thump behind my eyes, because that was exactly one of the issues I’d been having. “I didn’t want to know before, remember, when we found the tests?”
“Was that you really not wanting to know, or you not wanting to be disappointed, Baby Girl?”
“Does it matter which?” Sitting sideways in the seat, I stared at him, and he reached over and shut off his availability on the phone.
“Yes,” he answered. “Lately, I’ve been thinking more about my dad and Klara. About the choices he made that I don’t understand, and that I made choices in response to those choices.”
Pulling my knees up, I reached over to catch his fingers. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. The thing is—I’ve been pissed at him for so long, all I saw was what he didn’t do. I never thought about why he did what he did.”
I frowned, but didn’t interrupt as he tangled our fingers together, then turned my hand from side to side as he stroked his thumb over the palm.
“I resented that he didn’t choose his kids. That he didn’t choose Mom. I mean on one level, I knew he couldn’t just leave his commission. That’s one thing about being in the military—you don’t get to decide where you go. You go where you’re sent. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand it,” he admitted. “But at the same time, I never tried. When he calls, I avoid the conversations and just let the girls talk to him. When it comes to going to see him, I pass.”
I hadn’t even realized that he’d had the opportunity, and that surprise must have shown, because he gave me a wry smile that was clear, even in the darkness of the front seat.
“Yeah, there’s been a couple of chances over the last few years. The girls went over to Germany last summer.”
Oh.
“But I passed on it, and not just because I was hoping a certain someone would come out of hiding.” He reached over to trace his free hand down my cheek just before he tweaked my nose. “But also because I didn’t want to understand him.”
I swallowed. “But now you do?”
“Yes and no. I mean, that ship might have sailed, but the other day, I went with Arch to see his dad and…” He shook his head slowly. “I don’t get that about him. He’s an ass to Archie.”
On that we agreed.
“And my dad’s choices might be inexplicable, but he’s never been an ass to me. Even when I was being one to him. Granted, I didn’t really give him the chance, but…but when you say you want to understand, I get that, and it’s why I know you’re nothing like your mom, Baby Girl. That big ass heart of yours is looking for something to forgive.”
I made a face. “I don’t know that I like thinking I have a big ass heart.”
“I do,” he told me, his smile growing. “That big ass heart found a way to forgive all of us, and it still managed to love us, even when we were being asses. It’s made room for all of us