Touch And Go - Aiden Bates Page 0,87
mine with just as demanding a presence. Something shifted and whatever had been holding my bandaged heart together dissolved, healing me so I was whole again.
Derek cradled the back of my head and twisted his hand into my hair as our lips met. I felt his relief too. He set me on my feet and bent to keep his lips on mine, but I put a hand on his chest and gently urged him away.
“Wait.” I smiled, almost laughing with happiness, and smoothed my hair down. “We need to talk.”
“I’ve done so much talking.” He moved to kiss me again, but I dodged him with a finger on his lips.
“We need to talk if we’re going to start this off the right way.”
His eyes cleared as he straightened and nodded. “You’re right. We really do.”
Beside him on the couch, I wanted to touch every bulge of his muscles, the slope of his shoulder, the angle of his pecs like I was relearning the landscape of his body. But instead, I pulled myself away, gripped his knee, and took a breath.
“Sorry about the…mess.” He motioned to the spilled potato chips. I’d crushed a few into dust when I’d rushed over to him. There were sweatpants strewn across a table, empty carry-out boxes on the ottoman, a couple of beer cans on the floor near the trash can like he’d aimed, shot, and missed.
“It reminds me of my place.” I took his hand, and he laced his fingers with mine as I lowered my voice. “It looks like we might have taken our break-up with the same sloppiness.”
He exhaled loudly and nodded. “It’s small comfort to know I wasn’t the only one really going through it…”
I kissed him softly. It wouldn’t take away all the hurt, but it was a start.
He seemed to melt under my lips, and I moaned as he grabbed my waist. I didn’t want to stop. I wanted to straddle his lap, to chase the amazing feelings that washed over me when we made love. I wanted to talk with our bodies.
But it wouldn’t help us set anything straight. “Mm. Wait.” I pulled back and shook my head. “This was the mistake we made the first time around. I’m not going to fuck this up again. I’m not going to lose you a second time because we left things unsaid.”
He nodded and squeezed my hand tight. “You’re fault for being so fucking irresistible, you know that?”
“Ha. No…but I like hearing it.”
He rubbed his eyes and shook out his hands like he was pushing a reset button. “Okay, we need to talk this out, we do. So, let me lay it out first.” He paused. “I never wanted you to leave. It hurt me when you walked out of here.”
“I didn’t want to, either. I think I was in shock, after seeing Ben…I felt worthless, and I couldn’t imagine why you’d want to be with me. I really thought I was doing us a favor by ending it quick. Before you could.”
His face fell, and it hurt to look at him. “Before I could?” His eyelids fluttered shut then opened to a shining batch of tears. “I would have never…”
“I know. You would’ve never said you deserved better than a bartender who could barely make rent and ate ramen four nights a week and skipped dinner the other three.” I sighed. “And you would’ve never said you didn’t want to be with someone who shared the same genetic make-up as a criminal.” I cleared my throat. This was harder than I thought it would be. “And you would’ve never said you loved someone who would do something so stupid as trying to hunt down a bookie and ended up a bloody stump on the end of his boot.”
“Jesus, Seb.” He sighed, ran his hand through his hair disrupting the already tangled mess of all those beautiful blond locks. “I thought…”
I shifted in my seat and held his gaze. “What did you think?”
“I thought you changed your mind. Didn’t…want me anymore.”
He was all I wanted. “For being so old and experienced, you don’t know shit.” I smiled. “Probably because your number of real relationships is limited to just this one.”
He winced like I was throwing it in his face, but I liked it. I liked being the one who was important enough in his life he gave me a chance he gave no others. “Do we have to start there?” I nodded and he rolled his eyes. “Of course, we