in the narrow seats. How on earth could she manage that? The girl’s skin was alabaster smooth in the hazy dimness of the aeroplane light; silver bangles up her arm, the chipped polish on her fingers and the tie-dyed loose trousers. There was also a delicate belly button ring piercing mahogany skin. She looked away. God… Maddie yanked at her Marks and Spencer jeggings – she felt about seventy. Suddenly a mental image of Ed made her jerk upright. What if he wasn’t breathing? What if…
No. She would not go there. She could do this.
Tim had been strangely detached. I think you should stay here.
‘Here?’ She’d swept her arm theatrically across the kitchen, as something had snapped inside her. ‘Who needs me?’ she’d whispered, too scared to yell, as it would have unleashed such a torrent of pent-up emotion. ‘The dog? You? You spend more time on the road during the week, and then the golf course at the weekend. Tim, this is Ed we’re talking about, our child… the child we brought up!’ And then the tears had come.
‘Don’t, Maddie.’
His look said it all. She’d been sent right back to why he had been kind to her, what they’d been through, the wedding. Maddie fiddled with her seatbelt and tried to get comfortable. She remembered how that had come about – remembered when Tim had thrown the catalogue at her one day: ‘Catch this!’ he’d said.
She’d caught it in both hands and stared at the woman on the front in the ivory tulle ball gown. ‘What’s this?’ She’d been shocked and mildly thrilled at the same time. Who didn’t dream of their wedding when they were twenty-one?
‘Wedding dresses!’ He’d smiled at her.
‘Why?’ She’d been part-flattered, part-terrified.
‘Well, look, you need… Maddie, you’ll need one if you want to marry me.’ He’d pushed his glasses up his nose, triumphant. And that had been it. The proposal. She’d often dreamed of how it would be: a surprise, a dinner, a trip away. The fairy tale. But no, a catalogue.
She’d pointed at one she liked, swept up in the excitement of it all. Hadn’t really given herself a moment to think. Wasn’t it all too much?
‘Not that! You’ll look like a tart,’ he’d snapped at her as she stared at the beautiful beaded off-the-shoulder dress and then back at him. Surely he was joking?
So she’d chosen another, despite a tiny nagging doubt that really, shouldn’t she wear what she wanted? No matter, if it bothered him that much then she’d go along with it. It was only a dress after all, wasn’t it? And he’d already given her a great deal. She should be thankful.
She’d ended up with a high-neck white dress. Not ivory. She’d felt like a paper doily when he’d squeezed her hand so hard her wedding ring dug into her skin. She’d held her tongue, made herself a secret pact. If I can just get through two years, that’s all I need. Many people fall in love slowly, don’t they? No, a nagging voice had said in her head.
Then the baby. A bit of a distraction, a baby, might bring them together. And now she had to go to him.
How will you cope? he’d said as she’d left that morning in the taxi for Heathrow.
I’ll cope, she’d said as she shut the taxi door firmly and felt a horrible nausea settling over her about what she was about to do.
She studied the tiny picture of the plane on the screen in front of her. They were over the Indonesian islands now, descending slowly. She’d barley left Hampshire before, let alone the UK. Ed needed her. She was going to take a deep breath, hold her nose and jump right in at the deep end.
*
The plane then started a much swifter descent and a loud noise rumbled in her ears. Her stomach did a little flip as she peered out the windows. It was dark outside – 9 p.m. local time the captain had said. She could see millions of little lights on the ground. It was a beautiful multi-coloured fairyland. Her nerves were getting the better of her, especially as the plane was descending at quite a rate, leaving her stomach about fifty feet above.
The first thing she noticed as she stepped out of the airplane door and onto the metal steps was the heat. All thirty degrees of it. And the humidity made her almost choke.
Tim had said she’d panicked. Well, of course she had. Wasn’t that the very