breathed in deeply, closed her eyes and belted out the second verse. She loved belonging to something bigger than her.
Later, at the Dog and Duck, Rachel and a few others were gathered at tables around the pub. It was one of the oldest buildings in the village and it had been the venue for many cosy nights out for her and Tim when they’d first moved there, as well as several loud New Year’s Eve parties. It had beautiful beams, there was always a real fire burning, and the smell of smoke and beer seemed to melt into the place.
‘So, how are you?’ Rachel placed a vodka tonic in front of Maddie.
Maddie took a sip. ‘I keep looking at Ed’s Facebook page,’ she said putting the glass back on the table. ‘I miss him! But it does seem like he’s having fun. It’s great that he’s having his year off.’ And the more she said it to her friends, the more it would be true, wouldn’t it? She took a sip of her drink and then fished around for the lime floating in it and gave it a squeeze. ‘Olive said something, you know – you don’t want any regrets. I want to be good at something, Rachel. Is that so odd?’
‘No it’s not, love. But don’t be daft, there’s loads you’re good at!’ Rachel took a slug of wine.
‘Like what?’ She fixed her with a gaze. The spectre of Mediocre Maddie was tapping her on the shoulder.
‘Singing!’ Rachel grinned, passing her a packet of salt and vinegar to share. ‘Um, a mother, you’re a fabulous mother, too!’
‘OK, I’ll take that, but what about me?’
‘Well, I don’t know…’ She narrowed her eyes at Maddie. ‘But why now. Why all this?’
Maddie shrugged, not sure herself why this cloak of discontentment had descended upon her after all these years. Yet part of her knew that the real Maddie was hiding in the shadows; she’d seen her at the reunion.
‘So what’s Ed actually doing?’ Rachel interrupted her thoughts.
‘Last I heard he was working in a shop at a surf school in Bali.’
‘Sounds great.’
‘Yeah, that’s what I keep telling myself,’ said Maddie taking a sip of her vodka tonic. It’s all great. No, it’s not. She shifted in her seat. ‘I wish he’d send me a message – anything.’
Rachel pulled a few more crisps out of the packet and popped them in her mouth and nodded at Maddie. ‘I think he’ll be fine. You know what? I think you’re having a bit of a doo-da, my girl, a midlife crisis.’
Maddie blinked at her friend a few times before she answered. ‘Maybe.’ Perhaps it was a phase, a bit like the early days when she had Ed. It all seemed too much, but after a while, she was pushing that pram confidently across the park, Ed with a smear of banana on his cheek, and she’d realised she’d come out the other side of early motherhood. Maybe it was the same now; she just needed some time with Tim to reconnect, to stop moping about Ed.
Her phone bleeped and she grabbed her bag, wondering if it was a message from Ed. No.
It was a weather update from Bali. She’d set her phone to receive news of anything to do with Bali. There was a tropical storm heading that way.
Seeing her face, Rachel said gently, ‘He’s probably just too caught up with his new bunch of mates to worry about his old mum, Maddie! He’ll be having a ball.’
‘Yes.’ Maddie smiled, looking over at the fire and at the sheer bloody cosiness of it all. ‘But less of the “old”!’
Rachel grinned and stood up. ‘’Nother drink?’ she said briskly as she swiped away Maddie’s glass.
Maddie watched her weave through the crowded bar as she threaded the fine silk of her scarf between her fingers. The pattern of the beautiful birds fluttering on the pale lemon and pink background was embedded in her mind; she’d traced every detail of them in her room that summer, had wiped away her tears with that scarf and screamed when her mother had washed it – because it had taken away some of that scent. His scent.
8
Olive
‘Mrs Hunter, I think, from your test results and the monitoring, we can be fairly confident—’ the male doctor took off his glasses and squinted at Olive in the sun streaming through the little windows ‘—that you have some of the classic symptoms of Alzheimer’s: forgetfulness, difficulty making decisions, ability to recognise familiar things.’
‘Of course