words. But how could I? It was a memory I brought out sometimes, like you would an old worn photo of a loved one, holding it close when times were tough, even if it made your heart ache with the sweetest of pains.
We’d been kids back then, just finished school, and I’d come around for a big party the pack had put on, celebrating the end of childhood and our move towards becoming adults. His eyes had found mine across the fire all night. They’d glowed like they did now, with that reflected heat. Jasmine and Rita hadn’t noticed, too caught up in their own crazy antics, and I was always quiet, so they didn’t really notice that my attention had been redirected. I watched him and he watched me, until finally, I’d been forced to step away from the fire.
He’d been waiting for me in the hallway, emerging out of the darkness of the bedroom door when I walked out, stepping into my path. I’d looked up, on the surface wondering what was going on, but we both knew. His hands cupped my face in the following movement, his lips crashing down on mine with the next, then his tongue was sliding inside when I gasped, thrusting the taste of beer, BBQ, and him in.
It had felt strange, to run my hands up his bare arms, to tangle my fingers in hair I’d longed to touch for so long. He’d caught my little sob, of terror, excitement, and need, all rolled up in one, and pulled back so that his forehead pressed against mine.
“It’s OK, Shan. It’ll all be OK now.”
He’d taken my hand and led me out the backdoor, past the fire and our friends, farther out towards the trees. I felt the cool night air and darkness on my skin, which was soon replaced by him and his hands when he brought me to a blanket he’d stashed out there. We’d dropped down onto it, our lips connecting on automatic, unable to spend too long without the others’ upon them.
“I’ve been wanting to do this for so long,” he’d said, mumbling the words against my collarbone as he kissed his way along it, stopping with a question in his eyes when his fingers slid under the spaghetti strap of my top.
I’d felt like someone, something completely different when I yanked it up and over my head. I was brave, confident, able to face down his molten gaze and take it as my due. The questioning returned after he soaked up everything he could see in the moonlight, his hand reaching out to slide against my chest, pushing my bra strap down, trapping my arm, then his palm cupped around me.
We both gasped as one when he’d grazed my hard budded nipple, his eyes meeting mine, wavering, almost looking pained by what he felt. Perhaps it was the same knife sharp stab of need that slid through me, wanting everything he was doing and so much more. He’d pulled away, shedding his tank top and undoing my bra in a series of fumbling movements, then he pushed me back and covered his body with mine.
It wasn’t the first time I’d had sex. Like a lot of girls, I’d lost my virginity in a series of furtive fumbles after school one day in year ten to a boy I’d been seeing for a while. That and most times afterwards, it’d been fast, sometimes painful, and difficult to understand what the big deal was. But Jai… He touched my body with the same confidence he did everything, building a terrible pleasure inside me that I’d only managed to do on my own, then moving well beyond that. He swept me up in a flurry of touches and caresses, reading my moans and twitches and pushing me higher.
I’d watched the moon hanging above us in the night sky, the chatter around the bonfire a dim buzz in my ears as he settled between my legs. “Shan…” he’d whispered into my thigh, following it with kisses that kept going lower until…
My back bent like a bow as his tongue slid through me, parting me, brushing over my clit and making me want to scream for more. “Mm…” he purred, the vibrations rattling through me, and my legs splayed wider, not wanting to provide any impediment to his movements. “Sweet, Shan, so sweet…”
Jai always had a hunger for life, throwing himself into rugby games, pranks, and pack business with everything he had, so