How did he feel about losing his brother? Were they kidding? Did they think he had an answer for that?
He was doing his level best to play the stoic, to act like the man of the family now, even though he was a wreck inside. A nightmare haunted him. The highway patrol investigators had not detected skid marks on the road where Derek’s car had gone down the bank. Sean kept imagining Derek and Crystal airborne, Tillamook Rock in the distance, regarding each other with shock and disbelief, because they were flying.
Not knowing how to grieve or say goodbye had brought him out early this morning, to the lonely quiet of the empty course. Standing at the first tee, he took a deep breath of evergreen-scented air, taking in the hushed beauty of the landscape and feeling the dig of a piercing pain. Damn it, Derek. I miss you, he thought. They’d had their rivalries and their troubles, but they’d never lost their love and respect for each other.
Now Sean played alone, dedicating the round to his brother. This was the week he was supposed to play in his first major in the States, battling his way back onto the tour. Instead, he was making a final private farewell to Derek, and he knew from the second he stepped up to the tee that it was the right way to say goodbye.
He took his first swing, a movement as clean and sharp as an executioner’s sword. The ball flew straight down the middle of the fairway. He could hear its gentle thud as it landed exactly where he’d intended, giving him a perfect shot at the green. The entire round went the same way, as fine a game as he had ever played. There were birdies and even an eagle, dead-on chip shots and putts that were drawn to the hole as if by a magnet. His focus and concentration had a Zen-like intensity, allowing no room for doubts or mistakes. He honored his brother with every shot, recorded scores most golfers could never imagine.
For you, Derek, he thought as he finished the last hole by sinking a thirty-foot putt.
Red was waiting for him when he walked off the course. The agent held out his hand for the scorecard, studied it briefly and said, “If you could do that in competition play, you’d be back in the game in no time.”
“Uh-huh.” They walked to the clubhouse together and Sean put away his golf bag. “I’m not thinking about the tour.”
“Not today, but…soon. I mean it, Sean. What the hell else are you going to do?”
Sean had no answer for that. Maybe Red was right. He’d never held down a normal job. The game was in his blood and bone, and it felt unnatural when he wasn’t playing. He didn’t know who he was if he wasn’t a golfer.
“I can’t be touring if I’m in charge of Derek’s kids.”
“I say it can work out. Face it, Sean, a racehorse has to run.” Red sent him a meaningful look. “I’ll see you at the church.”
Sean drove home slowly through a town he remembered like the tune of an old song. Comfort hadn’t changed much, and this morning the familiarity was painful. Derek was everywhere in this town, or so it seemed. Every single place Sean passed, from the Comfort Food Bar & Grill to the vacant lot adjacent to the hardware store, reminded him of his brother and filled him with regrets that he hadn’t stayed closer, known Derek better at the end of his life. Like everyone else, he had thought they had all the time in the world. He wondered why people always thought that way.
He found Maura working at the computer. In an elegant black dress and high heels, she looked beautiful and very serious. He hadn’t seen much of her this week, since he’d been staying with Derek’s kids. Lily had finally shooed him out of the house this morning, telling him she’d look after the kids and meet him at the church later.
“Hey,” Maura said, “are you all right?”
He bent down and kissed her cheek, catching a sharp whiff of perfume. “I need a shower and shave.”
“I’m ready to go when you are.”
He hurried through the shower and put on a dark suit he’d bought in Malaysia. Actually, Asmida had bought it, back when they thought they were in love. They probably had been in love. Sean’s trouble was that he didn’t know how to