aside the stuffed toys and pulling back the curtain to reveal a misty moon. Lily brought Charlie against her, stroking her silky hair. “We have to whisper so we don’t wake Ashley.”
“She sleeps through anything,” Charlie said. She was silent for a few minutes, her small, spare body fitting itself against Lily’s. “I know how to figure out your porn-star name,” she said.
“Have you been talking to Russell Clark?”
“Yep.”
“Do you even know what a porn star is?”
“I asked Uncle Sean. He said it’s someone who uses a phony name made out of the name of your first pet and your street. At the school carnival last year I won a goldfish and named her Zippy, so mine’s Zippy Candlewood.”
“That’s very…clever.”
“So what’s yours, Lily?”
“I never had a pet.”
“Never? Not even a goldfish or a baby bird you rescued?”
“Not even a pet rock.” Lily’s parents had been adamant about pets. “They never outlive you,” her mother had reasoned. “They cost a fortune and then break your heart.”
Charlie shifted against her chest. “I wish I had a dog. Mom and Dad never let us have a dog even though I want one worse than anything.”
A pained silence spun out. Lily thought Charlie might have fallen back to sleep, but then she stirred again. “Lily?” she asked in a small voice.
“Mmm?”
“I’m afraid.”
“I know, sweetie. But you’re safe.”
“Not like that.” She shifted back to gaze up at Lily. In the shadowy light, her eyes looked enormous. “I’m afraid…I think I made them mad. I think they were mad at me because I’m so dumb in school and because I stole stuff. Maybe that’s why they—”
“Oh, my God.” Lily didn’t let her finish. She cupped Charlie’s face between her hands. “That is absolutely, completely wrong. Your parents loved you with every inch of their hearts.”
“They were mad at me for stealing.”
“Never. They weren’t mad and neither was I. Your mom and dad would never, ever want you to think that. We had a conference because we love you and care about you. Promise me you’ll believe that because it’s the absolute truth.”
She nodded. “All right.”
Lily lifted her up and carried her over to the bed. She tucked her in, then arranged her two favorite toys—a well-worn lamb and a one-eyed monkey—on either side of her. “You should sleep.”
“I will. But Lily?”
“Yes?”
“I thought of a song.”
“A song.”
“For the funeral.”
Lily took a deep breath, held it in. Hang on, she told herself, letting the breath out by inches. Hang on. “What song is that?”
“I want ‘Rainbow Connection.’” The third grade class had been learning the song in school and Charlie clearly loved it, particularly the original version sung by Kermit the Frog.
She bent down and carefully kissed Charlie’s forehead. “I think that can be arranged.”
part three
For what is it to die,
But to stand in the sun and melt into the wind?
—Kahlil Gibran
chapter 20
In the early hours of the morning before the funeral of his brother, Sean Maguire played a round of golf. If it seemed irreverent or disrespectful in any way, he didn’t give a shit. This was the golf course where he and Derek had spent the days of their boyhood. Together, they’d played each hole innumerable times. They knew every blade of grass, every rise of a bunker, every dimple on a green. They had laughed and taunted and competed with each other in the golden summers of their youth, neither of them imagining that anything bad could ever happen to them.
And for a good long time, nothing did. They played golf through high school and college, laying ribbons and trophies at Patrick Maguire’s feet like sacred offerings. Each had earned his PGA card the first time through Q School. Derek, the elder, was the hard worker, the consistent player. Sean, with more talent but less dedication, always seemed to be in his shadow, but no one was forcing him to stand there. The fact was, Sean had been comfortable flying under the radar. People had no expectations of him, so he rarely disappointed them. And sometimes, like that one amazing year at Augusta, he surprised them.
With Derek gone, there was no shadow to fall over him, and Sean wasn’t certain he could stand the glare of attention. Red had done his best to keep the media at bay, though when a beautiful young couple in their prime are killed in a mysterious accident, there was no avoiding speculation. The reporters and cameramen circled. How do you feel about losing your brother? The shouted questions made