I thought. Next. But Uram was satisfied that I let her curtsey to me and introduce herself and show off some gloom spells.
Well, at least it was somewhat entertaining, if I stopped thinking of the women as future brides. All of them seemed instantly pathetic simply in the fact that they had traveled all the way here hoping to marry me, for no other reason than that I was a powerful high demon. If they were worth anything, shouldn’t they have fallen in love already?
I think we were somewhere around the fourteenth and fifteenth women, a pair of succubi sisters who presented themselves as a pair. One was a musician and the other a dancer, and they attempted to entertain me with the hurdy gurdy and a sensual dance with scarves that were artfully whisked to and fro to reveal teasing bits.
“My lord, thank you for receiving us in your beautiful castle. You are surely the most handsome man we have ever laid eyes on, and we have laid eyes upon many… I hope our performance pleased you.”
“It was quite ridiculous to my eyes,” I said. “So much wriggling around and it seemed to operate on the conceit that I have never seen a nude woman before and would be titillated by the prospect. I am nine hundred years old. You’ll have to do better than that.”
She looked shocked, although I’m not sure why, since she had surely heard my previous comments to all the other dull candidates put before me.
“Perhaps we should have an intermission before the next group,” Uram said.
“Fine. I would like some lunch,” I said.
Uram shut the heavy doors, leaving the rest of the women outside. He glared at me. “Those were the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen in my life.”
“Well, you are just a mortal,” I said. “I don’t guess you have really seen that many.”
“What are you looking for!?”
I shrugged. “I want lunch, I said. Go to the kitchens and fetch it.”
Uram looked at me like he could have wept for the women I was wasting. I didn’t really care.
“Lunch, now,” I said.
“Gyeehh!” He threw out his hands.
“I could throw you in the dungeon as well if you wish,” I said.
He looked interested.
“Not with Lady Erisa,” I said. “An entirely different wing of the dungeon. You can live on gruel and the guard can whip you at his leisure. And he does enjoy a casual whipping, doesn’t he?”
“I apologize if you were insulted, my lord,” he said.
“I will admit, it is hard to take offense at the ravings of a creature as despicable as yourself,” I said. “So you are forgiven.”
He went to fetch my lunch. It was a mere sandwich. Apparently my cook felt he could simply take the day off while I reviewed these prospective brides. I would demand he roast and stuff a pheasant inside of a whole boar tomorrow. One could not acquire a reputation for being a gentle master.
It was dark outside by the time I was done with all of the women who had come from far and wide, some of them traveling for weeks, in the hopes of winning my favor, and the very idea of it just annoyed me.
“So…not a one had any appeal to you, my lord?” Uram said.
I just raised an eyebrow at him. “Never do that again.”
“It’s just that you were the one who said it was time.”
“No. I was thinking aloud and you overstepped your position. I have never seen such a ridiculous display of fawning and preening and prancing from anyone. I think I would rather cook them for dinner than marry them.”
Uram looked at me almost like he felt sorry for me, which was a dangerous game for him to play. My blood began to simmer. He noticed my temper and bowed his head. Uram was not especially handsome himself, and he was a short man even compared to my eight feet of height. He was wiry, scruffy, middle-aged, I supposed, with sly brown eyes. When I devoured his soul he was residing in a wizard market town somewhere at the edge of a desert. Like all the poor souls I devoured, he was not worthy of much more than my disdain; a streetwise but unlearned fellow who was happy enough to take advantage of everyone who crossed his path until I made him mine and put an end to all of that.
Still, he had been with me some thirty years now, a respectable length for a human servant.