cuddle or anything,” she said even though she absolutely wanted to cuddle.
He scowled a little. “Just because I’m not into PDAs doesn’t mean I don’t like to,” he paused, “cuddle, in private. I’m not completely cold.”
Yikes, she’d definitely hit a nerve.
“I know you’re not,” she said. “I just don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
“You’re not,” he bit out.
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have snapped.”
“It’s fine,” she said.
He took another deep breath. “I’ve been called cold and distant in the past and I’m a little sensitive about it.”
She cupped his face. “I don’t think you’re cold or distant.”
“No?” He studied her closely. “You’re not just saying that?”
She shook her head, suddenly certain that whatever she said next would be very important to him. “No, I don’t. You come across as a little…guarded sometimes, but that was mostly when I first met you. You’re not cold, Connor. I don’t even think you’re distant. And,” she gave him a teasing grin, “you’re not nearly as anti PDA as you think you are.”
A small smile played at his lips. “I think that’s a relatively new thing. Before you, I really didn’t do any PDAs.”
“Why am I different?” She asked.
“I’m actively trying to make someone jealous for you, remember?” he said.
Stupidly, hurt flooded through her. Of course, Connor was only affectionate because he was playing a part. She shouldn’t be upset by that. It’s what she asked him to do.
So why was she hurt? Why did she wish he was affectionate because he wanted to be? Because he liked touching her and holding her?
He squeezed her waist. “Sorry, I’m not being completely honest.”
“You’re not?”
“No. I like touching you, Kira. I like it a lot.”
“I like it too,” she whispered.
He brushed her hair back from her face and pressed a kiss against her mouth. “Good.”
She wanted to have sex with him. She knew that now. She just needed to tell him.
Butterflies danced in her stomach. Should she tell him? What if he said no? What if he thought it was a ridiculous idea? He was attracted to her, that was obvious, but what if he wasn’t interested in banging a virgin? Maybe he secretly liked women with experience and she could barely kiss when she first met him.
Stop. You won’t know for sure unless you ask. If he rejects you, so what? It’s worth the risk. Take a deep breath and tell him.
She took a deep breath and told him. “I want to have sex with you, Connor.”
* * *
Connor stared wide-eyed at Kira, certain he’d misheard her. “What?”
“I want to have sex with you,” she repeated.
“Kira, you were very clear that you’re saving yourself for… someone else.”
Did he really think that if he didn’t say Daniel’s name, it would bother him less?
“I’ve changed my mind,” Kira said. “I think it’s a better idea to have as much experience as I can get. That means actual sex.”
“You want to sleep with me for the experience,” he said.
“Yes. I mean… no?” She studied him in the dim light. “Connor? Why are you upset?”
“I’m not.”
“You’re lying,” she said. “I can tell.”
“You said it was special to you,” he said.
“I’ve changed my mind.”
“Just like that,” he said.
“Yes.” She waited a beat and then said, “If you don’t want to have sex with me, just say so.”
“Obviously, I want to have sex with you,” he said.
“Great. Let’s have sex.” She smiled at him and kissed his chest before licking the hollow of his throat. “I’m sure there’s lots you can teach me, right?”
He pulled back. “Kira, don’t.”
She stared at him in confusion. “Don’t what? You just said you want to have sex. So, let’s have sex.”
“It’s more complicated than that.”
“No, it isn’t.” She traced her fingers over his back. “Is it because of all that stuff I said about my virginity being special? Because I was wrong and just being silly. It isn’t special. It’s just a thing that I need to get rid of, that’s all. It doesn’t matter who I give it to, or -”
“It does matter!” His voice was too loud. “It matters and it is special, and I want to be your first, Kira. I want that a lot. But not if you’re only giving it to me because you’re trying to get it over with, okay? I want to be your first because…”
“Because why?” she whispered.
His heart thudding in his chest, feeling vulnerable and naked in a way he’d never felt before, he said, “Because I like you.