He sighed and ran his hand over his face. “I’ve put that part of me in the past. All I want is to be with you. No regrets.”
I stared at him, half in shock and half in anger, and couldn’t believe what he was saying. Not when I’d seen him that afternoon with Monica. Not when he’d hesitated and not when I’d just seen her outside.
Was he playing both sides? He sure as hell had the skills if that’s what he wanted. I just didn’t think he’d be so callous.
“I saw you,” I hissed, unable to hold onto it anymore. “I saw you with her.”
The hope in his eyes began to fade, and he swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing up and down.
“I don’t know what you think you saw, but it wasn’t anything,” he murmured like he was trying to calm a wild animal. Maybe I was. I spooked easily, and I was always ready to bring my claws out at the slightest provocation.
“I saw enough,” I said, turning to face him head on. “I saw, and I heard. She’s waiting for you outside, you know. Did you really think she’d pass up the opportunity to sink her claws into me?”
“She’s what?” His mouth fell open like he was surprised. Patronizing bastard.
“Like you didn’t know,” I muttered, turning my gaze away.
“What do you want me to say, Jo?” he asked, taking a step toward me. “She turned up here out of the blue, pleading for me to start something with her, and I sent her packing. I told her no. I chose you. Did you hear that part? Or did you run away before you got the whole picture?”
I shook my head back and forth, not wanting to believe him. I couldn’t, not when my already fragile heart was on the line. I had to protect myself. I had to run.
“No,” I said, snatching up my bag. “I saw you with my own two eyes. She asked, and you hesitated.”
He stared at me, his eyes full of something I didn’t want to acknowledge.
I stepped around him, fully intending to leave, but at the last second, his hand shot out and grasped my arm.
“You have to believe me, Jo,” he pleaded. “I don’t want her. I want you. You.”
“I can’t do this anymore,” I murmured. “It’s too hard. I thought I could handle it but turns out I can’t. I was never going to be enough for you. Not after her.”
“Jo…” His fingers slipped from my arm, and I was free.
“It’s over, Dean,” I said, edging away.
“Just like that?” he asked. “You know this thing between us is worth the fight. You said it yourself. You’re stronger than that, Josie. I don’t believe you. I can’t, and I won’t.”
“See, that’s the problem,” I said, turning my back on him and doing what I did best—walking away. “I don’t believe you, either.”
20
Dean
I watched Josie walk away from me, not knowing how to stop her.
She didn’t believe me. She didn’t believe in herself. She didn’t believe in us. The truth hadn’t worked, and I wasn’t sure what to do.
I couldn’t force her to stay, so I let her walk away thinking I was in love with another woman. She wanted to believe I was the bad guy so much she couldn’t see what was right in front of her. A man begging for a woman to love him. She couldn’t believe someone wanted to love her despite me telling her over and over that I wanted it with her. Knowing she felt that way killed me inside.
Josie didn’t answer my calls, she didn’t answer my texts, and she didn’t answer her door. I practically slept outside her apartment, and at three a.m. when she still hadn’t shown, I had to call it quits.
She’d jumped to the wrong conclusions when she’d seen Monica pleading with me that afternoon. If she’d stuck around to hear the end of the conversation, she would know that she was the one I wanted and Monica Miller was no more. That door was closed forever.
I’d only hesitated because it was so unexpected that I was stunned into silence, but she wouldn’t let me explain. She refused to hear a single thing I had to say. How was I supposed to make her listen when she’d closed herself off?
Knowing she was hurting and I was the cause, no matter my intentions, made my insides burn. I felt sick to the stomach. I hadn’t cared about hurting a woman’s feelings