be?”
My body shuddered against his at the thought. I knew he was right. Sex with Gabe O’Connell would be mind-blowing because he obviously knew where to put it and how, but my heart wouldn’t be in it. I’d just be scratching an itch created by another man.
“I can’t,” I said breathlessly, pushing my palms against his chest.
He stepped back, breaking contact, and my gaze dropped to his crotch where a very impressive erection was pressing against his trousers, begging to be freed.
“You sure?” he asked with a smirk. “You look hungry.”
His words slapped me around the face, and suddenly, my mind was clear. The proverbial ice water had doused my body, and I shuddered as I realized what I’d almost done.
Fumbling for my key card, I yanked it out of my pocket and shoved it into the lock. It flashed green, and I couldn’t get away from him fast enough.
Gabe stepped forward, thinking I was desperate to get inside and rip his pants off, but I slammed the door in his face before he could even get close.
“Oh, c’mon!” he exclaimed, his voice muffled. A second later, his fist pounded against the door.
Ignoring him, I shoved into the bathroom and turned on the shower, twisting the taps as far as they would go. Steam began to billow into the little room as I kicked off my heels and stripped out of my clothes, dumping them without a care. The water and grime on the floor would probably ruin my expensive silk blouse, but I didn’t give a stuff.
Stepping under the shower, I twisted the cap off the bottled hotel soap and began to lather up a face washer. I was such an idiot. I was so stupid even the dictionary didn’t have a word to describe the level of dumb I’d been tonight. First Hamish, a good guy who I just needed to leave alone to move on with his life, then Gabe O’Connell. GABE O’CONNELL. I was certifiably fucked in the head.
Emptying the little bottle of soap, I slapped the face washer against my skin and began to scrub myself clean.
Dean couldn’t find out. If he knew, he wouldn’t want me around anymore. I’d almost fallen into bed with the guy he’d tried to protect me from. I’d let the slimy asshole shove his tongue down my throat. That was the ultimate betrayal.
No one could ever know.
No one.
Ever.
10
Dean
The weekend went by, and my phone was silent.
I think I called Josie about twenty times and left just as many messages like a needy bastard.
I was that worked up about a particular missing blonde I didn’t even bother going to the Friday night fights at the arena. Josie left me reeling out of control at the gym, and I knew I’d hurt her, but her proposition was out in left field, and I hadn’t seen it coming at all.
Seriously, I was a guy. I thought about a lot of inappropriate things, but Josie… I didn’t know. She wasn’t like anyone else I knew.
The one thing I did understand in a sea of shit I didn’t was I’d made a mistake the other morning. I was holding onto false hope with Monica, and I had to let go. I didn’t want her. I wanted the idea of her. It was hammered into my head over and over, but it wasn’t driven home until Josie sat in my lap and showed me her true feelings.
I either had to make things right with her or take a leap into the unknown. It would be hard, and I’d fuck up all the time, but the more I thought about it, the more desperate I was to jump.
When Josie finally turned up at the gym on Monday morning, I was alone.
I was running full tilt on the treadmill, my gaze studying the approaching thunderstorm over the ocean as I tried to focus on something other than where she was and who she was doing all weekend. Every now and then, a bolt of lightning would race across the surface of the massive cloud, the after image burning into my vision. The storms around here were crackers—wild and unrelenting. Exactly like Josie Cunningham.
She strode in, her head held high, and made her way across to the little room we’d set aside for her office. It was hers to do whatever she wanted with, and she’d instantly made it into a fighter-free zone. Every time I went in there, it was like I was stepping into another world.
Today