a tension in the air that hadn’t been there before. “I know I haven’t said it until now, but I thought you’d guessed how I felt.”
“I didn’t—” The panic was lodged in her throat. “I can’t. You’re crazy.”
“I happen to think I’m lucky, not crazy.”
“Lucky? To be screwing a mixed-up person like me?”
“I’m not screwing you.” His hand slid behind her neck, gentle but firm at the same time. “I’ve never screwed you, Frankie. I’ve made love to you. Over and over again.”
Her tummy flipped. “Same thing. Just fancier words.”
He pulled her to her feet and curved his arms around her. “Not the same thing.”
“You’ll change your mind once you get to know me.”
“I know you, Frankie. And I’m not going to change my mind.” He smoothed his hand over her hair and took a deep breath. “I hadn’t planned on saying this now. I was waiting for the right moment, but I don’t even know what the right moment looks like, so maybe right now is as good a time as any.”
It wasn’t a good time. It was the worst possible time. She tried desperately to stop him talking.
“Matt, please—I don’t want to—”
“I can’t tell you exactly when I woke up and realized I was in love with you, but it was a long time ago.”
He’d been in love with her for a long time?
Her emotions tumbled over themselves, so many different ones she could no longer untangle them. Fear, trepidation and excitement were there and, underneath, a deep, primal thrill that came from the knowledge that this man loved her. “How long?”
“I’ve been in love with you for years, and I thought I knew you really well. And then I discovered I’d barely scratched the surface.”
“You mean you discovered all the things I’m hiding. I’m surprised you didn’t run a mile.”
“You were carrying around all these feelings and secrets and finding out about those has made me care more, not less.”
“Because you felt sorry for me?”
“Because you’re the person I always knew you were. Sensitive, gentle, funny, generous and very, very sexy. I know you, and I know I love you. The only thing I don’t know is how you feel.” There was a long pause loaded with meaning and expectation and then he eased her away from him. “This would be a good moment for you to tell me.”
No, it wasn’t. It was a bad moment. A really bad moment.
“I—” Oh God, how did she feel? Excited, panicked, sick—a horrible cocktail of stomach-churning emotions that she couldn’t disentangle.
“Frankie?” He was patient, but she knew what he was waiting to hear. And she sensed something else, too. A tension, a taut pressure, that she’d never seen in him before.
He’d asked her a serious question and he deserved an honest answer.
But she had no idea what answer she could honestly give.
She tried to work out how she felt, but her head still rang with the sound of her mother’s sobs.
“I don’t know,” she said desperately. “I need more time. I have to think.”
Something shadowed his expression. Pain. Disappointment. Weary resignation. “I see.”
His tone was just a little cooler than usual and she felt a flash of panic and deep regret.
She’d hurt him.
“Matt—” She tried to explain. “All my life I’ve seen relationships go wrong. You said you understood.” She badly wanted him to reassure her, as he always did, but this time he was silent and when he finally spoke he sounded tired.
“I do understand. But I’ve been trying to show you the other side of that. And I’d hoped that by now you’d see that what we share is strong and real.”
“It’s scary, Matt.”
“Scary? When we’re working on the roof terrace, eating dinner alone together or with our friends, enjoying a drink, making breakfast, having sex—does any of that feel scary?” His blunt challenge made her feel like a coward.
“No, but—”
“Is that what you’re thinking of when we’re together? You’re lying there wondering when we’re going to break up?” His voice was level but there was a distance that she hadn’t felt before, as if he was slipping away and she was powerless to stop it.
She’d never seen him like this. Never heard him use this tone.
“All I’m saying is that relationships end all the time. It’s a fact of life.”
“Yes, it is. Which makes it all the more important to pick the right person. You’re the right person for me, Frankie, but only if I’m the right person for you. I don’t know what your mother said