of yourself and your mom. I could promise to always take care of you, but those kinds of promises are no good. My father died young and my mom, she manages pretty well. If I wasn’t around to do the heavy lifting, she could find someone to help. What I should have said a long time ago is I love you, Addie.”
She put a hand on his arm. “I know, Jake. And that means a lot to me.”
“I don’t think you get it. I’m in love with you. I have been for years. I think it first occurred to me when you came home from Berkeley. But you were in love with someone else, and you were having a baby. Then you were so fragile and hurt. And then there was your mom. I vowed when you weren’t grieving any longer I would be more honest with you, but I guess it took me a while.”
She stared at him in shock. Through all the hours they’d shared, through the affection, the kisses and hugs, she had herself convinced it was little more than convenience. They were genuinely close friends. There was no one else for either of them, and they were, after all, adults. Buddies. Confidants.
“I thought this was the part where you cried for joy, threw your arms around me and—”
“But Jake, we’ve been friends for so long!”
“Yeah, and we can talk to each other, make each other laugh, have each other’s back. Listen, I already had the experience of loving someone I didn’t like very much, someone I wanted to trust. But I knew I was kidding myself. I’ve learned a lot since then. I want to be with someone I know deep down I trust, someone whose character I’m sure of. Someone I’ve loved for years.”
“Wow,” she said.
“Can you please do better than that?”
“I’m sorry, but something about this seems a little clinical. Like an arranged marriage. She’s got a good dowry, strong teeth and decent birthing hips.”
He grabbed her by the upper arms and pulled her toward him. Then he devoured her with his best, most powerful kiss. She’d had a few of these before and there was no question about it, he had a serious skill. She sighed when he let her go.
“Adele, you don’t fall in love with teeth or hips. You fall in love with a heart, a spirit.”
“Oh Jake,” she said, nearly swooning.
“It’s time for us to make a transition,” he said. “Well, time for me. I understood all the complications of your life and never wanted to push you. You had so much to deal with. But you’re sailing along now, and I want you to think about us.”
“I counted on us being the same forever.”
“That’s the thing. That’s not going to be enough for me. I want the real deal. I don’t want to draw a line in the sand here, but I want you to know—I want more.”
“How much more?” she asked.
“I thought that was obvious,” he said. “Here’s the thing. If you’re also in love with me, we can make plans. They don’t have to be traditional plans. But there has to be a future in this for me. If we’re just going to be friends, I’m going to do myself a favor and get on with my life. That’s not to say we won’t be friends, but I can’t be kissing you and holding you and spending all my time with you and hope to ever have a real relationship, one filled with hope and commitment. Or that family. Or the future with someone who wants a future with me. If we go on like this, someday you’re going to just say, ‘Jake, I met someone I really love.’”
“As you know, that can happen even to people with commitments,” she said. “Even to people who have been married a long time.”
“Not to everyone,” he argued. “Some people of great courage and integrity say, ‘No thank you, I have a commitment.’ And you know what happens then? They pay attention to the relationship they have with their partner and make it good if they can. Maybe that temptation goes away if