but I only became aware of lying on my side when I opened my eyes again. The dagger had slipped from my lap, resting a few inches from me on the floor.
I needed to get it, keep it close, but I simply could not do it. And as I drifted off again, I told myself that it would be okay if I didn’t wake up. I’d killed Aric. I’d completed what I’d set out to do two years ago. I had honored my mother’s death. Dying in the stale, damp chamber didn’t matter. Not anymore.
But then I lost more than my grip on the dagger. I lost my grip on…everything.
I did wake up again. Or maybe I dreamed. Or I was awake and hallucinating. I wasn’t sure, but I saw people. My mother pacing in front of me, dressed in her pink housecoat flapping like wings behind her. She was speaking, but I couldn’t hear her, and when I called out to her, there was no response. And then she was gone. Later, it was a girl with curly, fiery red hair, and a man with wavy brown hair. I knew them. I thought I did, but their names were lost to me as the chamber faded and was replaced by a restaurant lit by warm, twinkling, white lights.
The group was talking, but I wasn’t listening. I was thinking about…Christmas mornings and hot cocoa and the good moments with my mother, times where she remembered where she was and—
Fingers snapped, drawing my attention.
“Sorry.” My lips moved, my voice hoarse. “I spaced out. Were you saying something?”
“I was saying that I was about to strip naked and run outside,” the girl said.
The male smiled as he stared at the girl. “I am so down for that.”
“Of course, you are.” She grinned, pointing to a menu. “Did you want dessert, Bri?”
Bri.
Only she called me Bri.
Bri stood for…Brighton. That was my name, and she was…
I blinked, and they were gone. The restaurant was gone, replaced by the round, vine-covered walls and flickering torches. Then I faded out, and there was nothing until I heard someone again.
“I’m sorry.”
My eyes fluttered open, and he was standing there, dressed in a dark shirt that was like a second layer of skin, clinging to his chest and tapered waist. His blond hair brushed the width of his broad shoulders as he bowed his head.
He wouldn’t look at me.
“You’re sorry?” I heard myself say, and my chest… God, it hurt. It broke. “Which part are you sorry about? What happened between us? Or the fact that you failed to mention you’re engaged?”
A muscle tensed along his jaw. “All of it.”
What broke then cracked wide open, shattering. “God,” I whispered.
“You don’t understand.” He looked over at me. “You cannot possibly understand—”
“Because I’m not a fae?”
His eyes met mine, and an eternity stretched out between us as a wild array of emotion flickered across his face. And then it all went away, as if he shut down whatever it was he felt. “Yes, because you are not like me. I am a King. I must have a Queen.”
The word was a stab to the heart. My cheeks dampened, and the world around me seemed to shift again. He wasn’t in a hallway anymore but standing in a brightly lit room that smelled like crisp apples. And there were others. The girl with the red hair and people with no faces, no names.
“Listen to Ivy,” he urged. “You cannot interact with either of them. The fact that they already know you’re involved is bad enough.”
“I can handle myself,” I said, repeating what felt like a script—one I didn’t want to read. “Pretty sure I’ve proven that.”
“All you’ve proven is that you’re incredibly lucky,” he fired back. “You’re not like them.” He gestured at the others. “You’re not a warrior with years of experience under your belt.”
“I’m a member of the Order. I’m trained and—”
“You are a member, but this is not your job,” the girl said.
“If hunting and killing evil fae isn’t my job, then what is?”
Silence from them, from the others, and in the silence, I heard Aric say, “You were born into the Order, but you’re not a true member.”
Confusion swept through me as the room and everyone in it seemed to flicker in and out. Aric was dead. I’d killed him. He couldn’t be here—
Caden faded out and then back in again. “You’re a distraction. A weakness that I will not allow to be exploited….”
“I’m not weak.” The