don't have any cookies back there do you?"
"Uh...no. I'm all out."
I sighed and sank into my seat. "I am starving. I don't think I can hold on much longer. You sure you don't have any other food?"
The ghost of a smile curled his lips. "Nope. Sorry. You want to stop somewhere?"
"Yes!"
He pulled into a Taco Bell drive-thru, looking surprised when I gave him my order. When it came up, he wordlessly handed me my bag of four tacos, two bean burritos, and a tostada. I dove into them before he'd even accelerated away.
When we got back to my place, he didn't give me the chance to limp in. He scooped me up effortlessly, almost like O'Neill might have in one of his novels. If not for me being stoned and clinging to a taco, it would have been terribly romantic.
"You think I'm a freak, don't you?" I asked, once I was situated in bed and he sat on its edge. Seth had tended me once before, after a night of heavy drinking. I felt so irresponsible compared to him.
"Well, the tostada was kind of excessive, but I've seen freakier."
"No...you know. I mean..." I hesitated. "Well, you may not realize this, but I've sort of been smoking...some stuff."
"Yeah. I kind of picked up on that."
"Oh. Well. Sorry." I bit into one of the burritos savagely.
"Why are you apologizing?"
"Because...well, you don't do this."
"Do what?"
"Smoke pot. Or drink. Geez, you even avoid caffeine. Don't you think I'm like, I don't know...corrupt?"
"Corrupt?" He laughed. "Hardly. Anyway, you don't think I've ever done any of that?"
The idea was just shocking enough to give me pause. I put my gluttony on hold. "Well...I don't know. I just figured, well, no. Either that, or you had some tragic history...like you got drunk and hit a mailbox or took off all your clothes in public and now avoid all such vices."
"That would be tragic. But rest easy, I indulged in plenty of 'vices' in college. That's why it took me six years to graduate. Well, that and changing my major a few times. In the end, I just decided to abstain altogether. Didn't like myself otherwise. Sobriety's better for writing, and I say too many stupid things when I'm drunk or high."
"Yeah," I said uneasily, trying to remember what I'd said tonight. It was kind of a haze. "So you don't think I'm like...I don't know, a shameless lush?"
"Nope. So long as you don't do yourself harm." He eyed the ankle suspiciously. "It doesn't matter to me. Honestly, half the reason I like you is because you're so...I don't know. You like life." He looked away from my eyes, amused as his thoughts spun, considering. "You're fearless. Bold. Not afraid to enjoy yourself. You just go out there and do what you want. I like the whirlwind you exist in. I envy it. It's funny, really." He smiled. "I used to think I wanted someone exactly like me, but now I think I'd be bored to death with another version of myself. I'm surprised I don't bore you sometimes."
I gaped. "Are you kidding? You're the most interesting person I know. Aside from Hugh maybe. But then, he installs breast implants and buys souls. That's a hard combination to beat. But he's not nearly as cute."
Seth's smile increased, and he squeezed my hand. Silence fell between us again, but this time it was kind of cozy.
"Thanks for rescuing me," I said slowly, "and for...well...I mean, I'm sorry about last night. Sorry I shut down."
His face sobered. "No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have - "
"No," I said firmly. "Don't blame yourself. It was me too. My fault too. And really, I was the one who started it. I should have just talked to you about it then. Especially after you made me pancakes this morning. You know, those suddenly sound really good again." I looked at him meaningfully.
"We shouldn't have done what we did...in bed...but, at least we did manage to stop. That's worth something."
I nodded, crumpling up the Taco Bell bag and tossing it across the room into my wastebasket. Score.
He studied me, eyes warm and affectionate. He sighed and turned pensive again. There apparently was more seriousness to come. "I'd like to try sleeping together again, but I suppose...we should take a break from that. "
I mirrored his sigh. "Yeah. I suppose." Remembering something, I cocked my head and gave him a sharp look. "Hey, hypothetically - and I'm not offering this, so don't get any ideas -