her that. “Couldn’t sleep.”
With a heavy sigh, Jenn walks around the workspace and faces me, hands flat on the stainless steel worktop. “Alright,” she says, drawing my attention up to her and away from the batter I’m working on… my fifth one of the morning because nothing is sticking. It’s like every good idea for a muffin has left the building. “Enough of this.”
“What?” I ask, looking around to see what she might be talking about. “I know I made two chocolate muffins yesterday, but this one will be different… ”
How? I’m not sure. I haven’t figured that out yet.
The only thing I’ve decided on is I’m calling it I’m So Lonesome Tonight, not because it has anything to do with the muffin, but because I’m so fucking lonely… and I literally could cry… or die. I’ve felt dead the past few days.
“No,” Jenn says, slapping the counter. “This.” She waves a hand in my direction. “You… moping around. It’s depressing and your muffins are uninspired. The names you’ve been giving them have brought the mood in the bakery down to Prozac level. Even the customers have started commenting on it.” She sighs, her beautiful eyes looking concerned. “Mrs. Dillon said she wasn’t coming back until your muffins stopped making her weepy. That’s a direct quote.”
“Please, don’t fire me,” I beg. My eyes go wide as I realize this may be her way of telling me she doesn’t want me working here anymore. I have been pretty hard to deal with lately. “I need this job…” I’m two seconds from getting on my knees. I’m not above begging. “I promise, I’ll do better. I was, uh, actually thinking of making a muffin with... pistachios,” I say, pulling it out of my ass, because I remember seeing some in the pantry and at least it’s not the same, sad chocolate muffins I’ve been making lately.
“I’m not firing you,” Jenn says, rolling her violet-blue eyes and smiling sadly. “I just… I’m worried about you. You’ve been worse this past week than after… you know,” she says, waving her hand in the air, and I do know. It’s true. I’ve felt sadder since the morning I walked out on Cage than I ever was after Asher.
“Do you want to talk about it?” Jenn asks. “I know you said you didn’t, but maybe it would help.”
Stepping back from the counter, I brace my hands on it and let my head hang between my arms, sighing in defeat. Maybe I do need to talk it out.
“The muffins are sad,” I say, after a few moments, “because I’m sad… and I can’t get past it. I thought a clean break was what I needed, but the edge left behind is so sharp… I feel like I’m bleeding every time I breathe.”
“Asher?” Jenn asks, confusion in her tone. “I thought you were—”
“Not him,” I say, my eyes still trained on the floor at my feet. “I wouldn’t piss on his leg if it was on fire.”
“Then who?”
Lifting my head, I look across at her and realize she doesn’t know about Cage and I. The last thing I told her was that he was going to the reunion with me.
“Cage.” Just saying his name makes my chest ache.
She tilts her head in confusion. “I thought the two of you were just friends?”
I laugh, humorlessly. “That’s the lie I was telling myself, too.”
“So… you like him?”
Swallowing, I look away, rummaging through the feelings I’ve been digging through over the last few days—longing, desire, understanding. Each time I’ve tried to make sense of everything, I get lost in a deluge of memories. In a short amount of time, Cage became my best friend. He was understanding and supportive when everyone else in my life was judging me. He got me, made me stronger, and helped me be a better version of myself. He’s funny, smart, strong… so strong, yet sensitive when he needs to be. It’s all such a heady combination.
Everything I wasn’t looking for, but needed.
“I think…” I start, but stop, afraid of the words that are on the tip of my tongue. But if I can’t be honest with Jenn, who can I be honest with? Even though she’s my boss, she’s also always been there for me and never judged me, not even at my craziest. Taking a deep breath and closing my eyes, I let the truth tumble out. “I think I love him.”
“Oh,” Jenn says, a little surprise in her tone and I hope I