saucy wink. “Well, you’ve spent a lot of time with him. Whenever you would come to visit on summer vacations, you would spend all your time talking about him.”
“Jealous, Bristol?”
“No. Just wanted to make sure you were okay with us being married, really. I can be a pretty supportive friend.” I bit my bottom lip to keep myself from laughing. Holden might have been discreet, but I wasn’t completely oblivious to his affairs with women.
He gave my cheek a good pinch. “Aric’s a good man. Got dealt some pretty shitty cards but he has the control and discipline he’ll need to recover. Lantis is lucky to have him.”
“You’re a good friend, Holden.” I nodded but didn’t bother to tell him where his friend was. A part of me was perfectly content to just hold it close to me, the knowledge of his regard. "I don't think I've ever met him." It was more a question for me because it felt like I had. How could I have known the color of his eyes if I’d never met him?
But more, how could I have forgotten the sheer mass of him, when even from across the room it felt overwhelming? It was a conundrum.
Even as we moved around on the dance floor, Holden tilted his head thoughtfully. "I never could convince him to visit Mitnar. He was too dedicated, would serve his country whenever he could, so I suppose that’s possible. But you were my date for the graduation ball and he was there. I'm surprised you didn’t meet him then."
Perhaps I'd seen him. Perhaps my brain had taken his features and filed it away only for me to remember on some later day. "Perhaps.” I closed my eyes to keep the tears from falling with recollection of what that day had meant for me. “But I had to leave early on that day. Mother..." I trailed off because the memory of that horrible phone call was still enough to close my throat from the emotion.
His mouth formed a straight line as he gazed down at me with a look drenched in sadness. "I'm sorry, Bris. How insensitive of me to forget."
I rubbed a hand up and down his arm. It was as much to gain comfort and to give it. "It's fine. Owen’s with her and she’s as comfortable as she can be. We're really quite optimistic." I swallowed again before I could cry. I was here because of her, knowing full well that she wanted what was best for me. That she wanted to make sure I had a future where she could rest easy knowing I’d be taken care of.
"She loves you, Bristol. And more, she’s proud of you.” He gave me a gentle squeeze, and I wished, desperately, that I could have been in love with him. Knowing that it was something beyond my control.
I watched Aric turn and take a glass of scotch from a nearby server, watched the way he swirled the dark liquid in the glass he held, and wondered why my thoughts of love drew me to a man I’d never met. To that essence of him I could feel but was hard-pressed to explain. It was something not truly dark, but there was a cloudy undercurrent that pulled me. "I hope she is proud. By the way, I’m pretty sure your boyfriend is over by the corner of the room. He’s been watching us dance."
He looked over his shoulder and I saw the smile light his face. "Ah, so he is. I was wondering why you asked about him. I should go say hi."
I gave his cheek a pat, feeling constricted by everything. Thirsty and desperate for a drink. "Yes, go talk to your friend, Holden. We've had our required dance for the night, and everyone is well aware that Mitnar and Theodosia haven’t declared war in the last day, so we’re good. But I really need more than one drink." I reached up on my tiptoes and kissed his cheek softly.
I needed the hit of the alcohol if I was to be carved up by sharp green eyes. Needed it if I was going to survive the night with the image of them burned into my brain.
And the fact that I wanted to see them up close was the reason I moved away.
3
Aric
At any moment I would regain control of my baser urges and look away. The difficulties of the last couple of years compound with the stress of the last twenty-four