of child support. And he had a daughter whose name he didn’t even know, and he hadn’t met. And his life was a complete mess. Lacey deserved a world more than he could offer.
“What, you hadn’t already guessed that?” Lacey raised her eyebrows as she lifted her Diet Coke up to her lips.
Things started slipping into place like a kaleidoscope. But he pushed them away. The only thing he could give her was to entrust her with the same thing she had entrusted him with.
“Peter was a prem baby. He was born at thirty weeks.”
Lacey lowered her glass. “I didn’t know that.”
Victor offered up a ghost of a smile. “Well, you’d hardly guess, looking at him now.”
“True.”
“Dad was posted oversees when Peter was born. They didn’t have a hospital with a neonatal unit where we lived, so Mum had to go to London. I stayed with my grandparents. For almost six months. Even after Peter came home, I still stayed with them for a few more months. I’m not sure why. But I hated him for it. He was a tiny, helpless sick baby, and I blamed him for taking Mum away from me. That’s it. That’s the terrible reason why I made my brother’s life a misery for almost thirty years. Why I’ve poisoned pretty much everything I’ve ever been near.”
“I’m sure that’s not true.”
“My parents almost split up over us. They were separated for a year after the poker incident. I stayed with Mum and Peter and Dad moved in with our grandparents. I think they were genuinely afraid one of us was going to end up dead.”
“But they got back together?”
Lacey reached for the chips again. This time, she didn’t even seem to notice she was doing it.
“Yes, but only after they scraped together enough money to send us to boarding school. Different schools, obviously. Somewhere around the same time, Mum started going to church more.” Victor shrugged. “I don’t know for sure, but I feel like that had something to do with it.”
“You should tell Peter.” Lacey said the words softly. “I’m not saying it will fix anything, but at least he’ll know.”
Victor shook his head. He’d thought it through many times and always came to the same conclusion. “It wouldn’t be fair. It’s been too long. There’s too much water under the bridge. I’m thirty-two years old. I can’t keep shafting all my poor decisions back to something that happened when I was three. There are plenty of kids who grew up with way worse.” Like Lacey. Yet here she was, owning her life and, for some reason, trying to hand him a shovel to help him dig out of the pit that was his.
Lacey pursed her lips. The ones he’d kissed and still couldn’t remember. Yet another thing on his eternally long list of regrets. “I’m not saying it will magically fix anything. But surely Peter deserves to have all the facts. Or do you want to be permanently estranged from him? Is that what you think you deserve?”
“It’s not what I think I deserve. It’s what I do deserve. Everything I do, I still cause him hurt. I’ve been trying for three years to try and make amends, and all I ever seem to do is make it worse.” Victor ran his hand through his hair. “Maybe it’s time to accept that some things are too much to forgive. Or that even if God forgives us, some people never will.”
Maybe it’s just time to accept that some things are too much to forgive. Or that even if God forgives us, some people never will. Victor’s words looped around her head.
“Do you think God has forgiven you?” Lacey couldn’t believe she was having this kind of conversation with Victor, of all people. But her body leaned forward against her own volition, waiting for the answer.
Anna would be quick to say God forgives everything but, apart from one indiscretion, Anna had lived a pretty much blameless life. And she’d lost her husband to a freak accident. Lacey figured she had to have a lifetime’s worth of forgiveness on tap for that.
Victor rubbed his pointer finger down his nose then back up again, his gaze focused on a spot over her shoulder. After a few seconds, it switched back to her. “Yeah, I do. Honestly, Lace, if I didn’t, I probably wouldn’t still be here.”
Memories that she had spent too long shoving down bubbled under the surface.
“Why?” Desperation tinged her voice. Desperation that she didn’t want