to follow my mom’s lead to the door.
“He told me not to wake him, no matter what,” I blurted out for no other reason than to stall my mom’s departure.
“Yeah,” Lisa said. “I heard him. He looked exhausted when he said it.”
“Dead tired,” I added.
Okay, I knew that was over the top, macabre even, but I was desperate to stall her. Not that stalling her had much benefit in the long run, but I was hoping something might pop into my head that could somehow resolve this situation.
“That’s all right. I’m sure he won’t mind if I wake him,” Jade said, looking all vampy, running a hand down her full, round body. “He likes when I wake him up. I have my own special way of doing it, if you know what I mean,” she cooed as her voice trailed off.
“I bet you do, but Mia’s right,” Lisa said. “He was really tired last night, what with all the family stuff going on. Plus, he drank a lot of wine.”
“Yeah, a lot of wine. He’s probably going to have a mean hangover. It won’t be pleasant,” I added.
But Jade couldn’t be stopped. She had reached my front door, had the door open and was on her way to find her “honey-bear.”
“I’ve got just the thing for that,” she announced, all smiley faced. “Oral sex. It works every time. Something about their blood rushing down there that does it. It works for girls, too, but not as well. I never could figure that one out, but it sure does start your morning with a bang, ya know?”
She snickered.
That stopped me cold. In all my years of hangovers, and I’d had more than my share, I never thought about sex, much less oral sex as a cure. It was difficult enough just to open my eyes in the morning. If ever I drank again, which was looking more like a possibility, I’d have to try the oral sex cure.
Leo had that category covered.
My mother’s eyes fluttered about a hundred times. She turned a bright crimson, a sure sign she was desperately trying to gain composure and appear somewhat cool. Whenever someone other than Aunt Babe said anything even remotely sexual, Mom went into some kind of temporary meltdown. I didn’t exactly know why it never seemed to bother her when Aunt Babe started a sexual innuendo kick, but whenever anyone else did, she fell into an immediate tailspin.
Happily, it only lasted a couple minutes, if that.
“By the way, darling,” my mom said, speaking directly to me. “The clasp must have broken on my charm bracelet last night because I can’t find the darn thing anywhere. I really shouldn’t have worn it, but Dickey gave it to me for my birthday right before all the trouble started, and I knew he’d be tickled if he saw I was still wearing it. Which he was, but sometime during the night it must have fallen off. I’ve looked everywhere, but I can’t seem to find it. Do you think you might try? I feel awful about losing it.”
I walked over to my closet, and slipped it out of the pocket I’d shoved it into the previous night. “Is this it?” I asked holding the incriminating bracelet in the palm of my hand.
“You found it!” Her face lit up. “But where, sweetheart?”
“In the barn, under . . . something.”
I saw the flash of recognition in her eyes. But as quickly as it appeared it vanished and a cool smile shadowed her eyes. I knew that smile. It was forever present whenever we both knew there was avoidance circling around us.
“Thank you, dear. You have no idea what this means to me.”
“Actually, I think I do.”
We hugged briefly and she slipped out the door with Jade in tow. I suddenly had the sick feeling that my mom wasn’t completely innocent, but how much she knew, and how involved she may or may not be was now the burning question.
I could hear her chatting up a storm with Jade about Dickey, the orchard and the benefits of olive oil. I wondered if like Goldilocks, Jade would have a rude awakening when she crawled in Dickey’s bed, or if my mom had already figured out an exit strategy. Either way, Jade was not going away until she found her “honey-bear.”
I closed the door and Lisa said, “You realize you just handed over vital evidence? And don’t tell me your mom’s totally innocent of this. I saw that look she