close, so we lifted it back out and stuck it on the front passenger seat. There was something on the seat that caused the futso to tip in my direction.
This was not good.
“Hold onto it,” Lisa said. “I’ll go around to the other side.”
I held it on the seat, pushing at it slightly, but that just caused it to tip more in my direction. I moved my upper body inside the car, and held onto the teetering futso until Lisa could get to the other side.
As soon as she opened the driver’s door I pulled off the top of the futso, not waiting for her to get the thing upright, and peered inside for the tiny gun.
The overhead light wasn’t bright enough so I couldn’t see anything but the golden liquid. The initial smell saturated my senses, tickling my throat and caused me to cough.
The futso slipped a bit when Lisa tried to dislodge whatever was under it and I angled it more toward me, managing to steady it and gain control over my annoying cough. There was no time for me to move the now heavy container, so I plunged my hand deep inside groping for the gun. Oil splashed out and felt all warm and silky against my skin. The peppery scent filled the air with its earthy fragrance. Unfortunately, I couldn’t feel anything but the oil and the cool metal walls of the heavy container.
“They’re coming. Hurry,” Lisa warned in a loud whisper. “I can’t hold onto this thing much longer. You’ve made it all slippery.”
“I can’t find it,” I whispered back, now swishing both hands and arms inside the deep container. “I think it’s gone.”
I heard footsteps on the gravel. “That looks exceptionally kinky,” Nick said now standing behind me.
His voice startled me and being completely uptight at that moment, I jumped, turned and somehow managed to swing out my hands so fast that excess oil slapped him right in the face and chest. What didn’t land on him somehow landed on my pants and shirt. And as if that wasn’t messy enough, Lisa must have lost her precarious hold on the futso because it tipped just enough in my direction so the oil splashed out onto his polished shoes, my suede Uggs, and down the front of Nick’s pants. Then, almost in some sort of slow motion kind of weird time warp thing, the futso flipped completely on its side, and my mother’s handgun slid out bounced off of Lisa’s shiny red foot rail and landed at Nick’s feet along with the remainder of the EVOO.
For a moment, no one said a word. I think I stopped breathing, and I’m sure my heart must have stopped pumping or why else would I have just stood there like a deer in the headlights?
I couldn’t react or wouldn’t react depending on how I wanted to look at this.
A brilliant thought raced through my mind as we stood there, motionless. Perhaps Nick hadn’t seen or heard the little nickel-plated aggravation. Maybe it was just too dark for him to truly see anything.
And perhaps penguins could fly.
Nick squatted. The car’s overhead dome light was more than ample to make the handgun stand out on the gravel. Hell, I could even read Lucille written on the handle.
“Interesting,” he finally said. “A .32 from the looks of it. Nineteen-thirties, maybe. Nice touch on the handle. Seems like it’s in great condition. Don’t know if keeping it in that much oil is a wise choice for its future, but hey, you’re the expert when it comes to olive oil.”
I didn’t move, but somehow managed a feeble smile.
“You know who owns this weapon?” he asked looking up at me.
I had several options to this question. I could tell him the truth. Tell him I didn’t know, or tell him what had to be the dumbest, most ridiculous . . . “It’s mine,” both Lisa and I said at the same time.
Her eyes went wide. “We, um, share it.”
“You share a handgun that you keep in a thirty liter tub of expensive olive oil?” he asked. I knew we were sounding lame, but what choice did we have?
“I’m doing research for my next book,” Lisa argued.
“What kind of research?”
“The kind that has to do with guns and olive oil.”
“Huh,” Nick said.
That’s when Leo walked over.
“Wow,” he quipped, gazing around at the mess, then down at Nick. “What’s your mom’s gun doing lying on the ground?”
There are things you should reveal to your lover, and