walking back to her father’s house appeared before my eyes, but I quickly shook it away. I might have been caught up in some sex haze with her, one that dug its claws in deep and had a lasting effect, but it was not love. I figured I was immune to love.
“There is no ‘one’ to find,” I scoffed. “Not for any of us. You pick one and you commit to her. Or you pick none and you commit to your work. Or you pick one and have your mistresses on the side, but you can’t have families with them. I’m positive that’s what had our father meeting an early grave. Besides, our mother and Julian and Javier’s mother...they were different kinds of women. They were all head and no heart.”
“Maybe it’d be easier if Paula were that way. She would just turn a blind eye to everything. But no, she’s so emotional and says she loves me. She’d be destroyed if she knew about Zoe. But I’m telling you...Zoe is the one. You don’t have to believe in that sort of thing if you don’t want to, but when you find them, you know.”
I wanted him to say more. What did he mean you’d know? The only thing I could ever really know for certain is how much money was in my hands as I was counting it. Everything else was abstract and fleeting and really unnecessary. But I didn’t dare to ask. He was drunk and emotional and there’s no telling where the rant would lead.
Pablo joined us after a while, but Felix kept his troubles to himself when he was around. We drank and carried on laughing and telling stories late into the night. I thought about Alicia and the dinners she spoke of. I did love a good drink and good company, even if it only ever happened by accident. Or through us entertaining potential business partners or clients...but that was all a show. It was work, not a good time with friends.
Was she out there somewhere having a night like this with people she loved? Was she happy to be home with Don Martino? Or worse, had she already marched back into the black market or gotten herself into some other kind of trouble?
A frightening thought settled in. Out of all the women I could have, suddenly it seemed like they were all just a blur. They were just other people about as interesting to me in that way as my brothers sitting across from me were. There was only Alicia. Was that what it meant to find “the one”?
“You two both must have had some good sex lately,” Pablo remarked over his drink as his eyes sparkled at me and Felix. We had both grown quiet and gotten lost in our own thoughts. “You look like little lovesick puppies.”
Felix shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to confess what was happening with Zoe. It was the perfect opportunity for him to turn to me and start putting the pieces together. He had been so distraught before, he hadn’t noticed that I was apparently caught up in the same stupor as him. But at least I was smart enough to know mine was only temporary.
“Alberto definitely does,” he teased as it clicked.
I wanted to smack him. He knew I wouldn’t betray his confidence, so I’d have to sit there while the spotlight turned on me.
“Alicia?” he asked.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I scoffed.
“I might have taken her myself had she not been our prisoner of sorts,” Pablo admitted, just trying to get riled up enough to give myself away. “I wouldn’t mess around with the kitchen staff. Or slave...or whatever the hell she was.”
“She’s Don Martino’s daughter,” I reminded him, my voice rumbling with defensiveness.
“But she came to us as a pregnant slave. I knew you had a soft spot for her. Or else she wouldn’t have been here in the first place. I guess it’s good you sent her off. She was too much of a distraction for you.”
Pablo’s words were slurring and Felix couldn’t stop laughing. We had all had too much to drink, and I was not pleased with the turn in conversation at all. Talking about love and romance was bad enough. I didn’t need them running their mouths about Alicia on top of it all.
“I’m calling it a night,” I announced as I slowly stood, taking care not to stumble.
I didn’t bother listening to their taunting remarks as I left the room. I was eager