that I get far away from her. I thought she’d be angry at herself for giving in. But instead, she kissed me gently. Her body felt limp, draped in my arms, and she kept her eyes closed. She seemed completely drained and was melting into me, purring like a kitten.
Maybe she wanted to just sink into the blissful feelings without admitting to herself how they came to be. I didn’t care. I liked her curling up against me like my little pet. I carried her in my arms while carefully gathering blankets and clothes to throw together a makeshift bed. As I put it together, I felt the heaviness in my eyes and realized I was just as drained as she was.
With a soft pad formed on the floor, I laid her out across it. I couldn’t resist running my hands along her body one final time. She was already fast asleep. I wanted to be next to her. I wanted to roll her over across my chest and feel her heart beating against me.
But there was a reason I did not have a woman in my life. One could argue that it was because I had never met another woman like Alicia. But that wasn’t the only reason. Whoever you loved could be used against you. They could be used as leverage, bait, and as a means to torture you. They could also distract you...throw you off your game and make you sloppy. That’s how people got caught.
I didn’t take risks like that. Maybe just by taking her, I had already crossed a line. I was breaking my own rules. I couldn’t stay there with her no matter how much I wanted to. I made sure she was covered and warm, and snuck out of the chamber, locking her inside.
10
Alicia
I felt warm and safe, like I had been tucked away in some secret nest. But as my eyes slowly opened the memories started coming back to me rapidly. I was not safe. I was not free. I was still trapped in this dark, cold dungeon. I wanted to throw the covers off of me and race to find some escape, but I was naked underneath and it was freezing without the blankets covering me. My old gown was in soaked shreds off in the corner. And yet, there was still some warm sense of security inside of me. How could that be?
I tried to remember what happened beyond the relentless buckets of freezing cold water that Alberto flung at me. I hadn’t told him anything. I remembered that well and felt pleased with myself. But...there was more. I shuddered as it all came flooding back to me. The taste of his lips. They were cold and stiff at first, surging with his anger. But somehow we both started giving in. There was so much more racing through my head after that...the smell of his hair and the feeling of his rippling muscles. The sensations he aroused from deep within.
I felt around in the darkness for him. He had made me want to forget everything else enough to lose myself in the comfort of his arms once. I wanted to feel that again because that was easier than facing what I had allowed to happen. But as I tore through the pile of blankets on the floor, I knew that he was gone.
He coerced me into surrendering to him and then left me here like a pile of garbage on the ground. I ignored my desperate longing to feel his chest against my face with his arms wrapped around me tight and focused instead on my disgust for him. That was all that mattered. I hated myself for giving into him. How could I let him in? And how would I ever face my father again after what we did?
I was no virgin, and if my father knew or not didn’t matter. Men were not the enemy to him, but Alberto Milano certainly was. I felt like I had betrayed him and went against everything he ever taught me. I had lied to Alberto, claiming that I was ashamed to face my father. And now here I was...I had made that very thing come true. Maybe that was his plan all along. It was his revenge.
I sank back into the darkness, pulling my legs close to my chest as I gently rocked back and forth. Would it have been different if Alberto had been here when I woke up? If