every time I go to her house.” He leaned back, let out a loud yawn, and then burped.
He nearly fell out of his chair laughing about it. He was so tickled that tear drops were spilling from his eyes.
“Aarrrgh.” He let out another huge burp and laughed harder.
"Devin! Where are your manners?"
My admonishment was ignored. He raised his shirt sleeve up to his shoulder and cupped his right hand under the opposite armpit.
"Stop it, Devin," I said, knowing what he was up to.
"Stop what?" He giggled. Then he quickly lowered his elbow, and made his armpit make a farting noise.
He laughed so hard no sound came out, and he sat there clapping like a seal. I shook my head hoping he would quit clowning and talk to me.
I uncrossed my legs and leaned forward. “Why don’t you show me where Luscious and Mika live?”
He looked at me out of the corner of his eye. “I’m not showing you nothing,” he objected. He licked his small lips and put his forefinger into his nose, stirred it with pleasure, brought out the dried nasal mucus, rubbed it between his forefinger and his thumb, and ejected it with his fingernails. An icky booger landed on my desk.
“Eww! Now you’re just being a nasty nuisance.” I cut my eyes at him.
The sight of that made me want to vomit. I had just eaten lunch, and it felt like it wanted to come up.
I used some sanitizer from a small bottle in my purse along with a wad of tissue from the bottom drawer to wipe the area clean. I grabbed the box of Kleenex from my desk and handed him two.
He snatched them from my hand and used one of them to dig in his nose. I felt like grabbing my stapler and smacking him across the head with it until he passed out, but I needed his cooperation.
“Devin, stop clowning for a second, will you?” I was becoming exasperated.
“Okey doke.”
“If I give you ten dollars and take you to the store to buy candy will you show me where Luscious lives?” I bribed, but the little heathen was game tight.
“Nope, you gotta gimme twenty.”
“Fine.”
He cheesed and tossed his shoelaces on the floor.
I opened my desk drawer and handed him twenty dollars out of my Louis Vuitton handbag. When I knelt down to put his shoelaces back in the eyelets, his mannish behind slapped me on my butt.
“Drop it to the flo', Shawty”
I gasped.
“That’s not cute, and it’s very disrespectful. I’m going to have to teach you some manners,” I lectured.
He dropped his head. “I’m sorry.”
Finally, he was being respectful. I knew that he couldn't be all bad.
“Sike!” he yelled out.
“Ugh!” I snorted, and then continued lacing his shoes.
“That’s too tight,” he whined.
I suppressed a snicker, and then I knelt down and loosened his laces. "Is that better?" I asked.
He nodded his head vigorously.
"Let's go, Devin."
My foot was out of the door, and he was behind me. “I got to doo doo,” he uttered.
I spun around. "Ugh! Not now," I complained.
His hand was on his butt, and he was jumping from foot to foot.
I rubbed the back of my neck to relieve some of the stress that he was causing me.
“You have to go to the bathroom, Devin. That is the proper way to say it,” I corrected him.
“No, I got to doo doo.”
“Fine.” I pointed him to the private bathroom in my office.
He ran into the bathroom holding his booty with both hands. “Don't boo boo on yourself,” I teased.
I stood at the door tapping my foot impatiently, with my arms folded across my chest.
“Get away from the door!”
He didn't have to say it twice. The odor started to seep from the toilet and found its way into my office. I could hear tooting, splattering, and ungodly noises coming from the other side of the door. I raced over to the window and snatched it up. I stuck my head out and gulped the fresh air. Thank God for small miracles, I thought.
When I heard Devin flush the toilet and come out of the bathroom, I covered my nose with both hands, walked over to the far side of my office, and turned on the ceiling fan. He stood there scratching his butt.
“Go back and wash your hands," I said politely.
This time he did as I asked with no backtalk. I followed behind him and sprayed a little air freshener in the bathroom because that little boy smelled like a grown man.
Walking out