but no. No to his reaction. No to this situation. No to him! Now I know sometimes letters can be skewed one way or another, but based off what you have written, let him go. First and foremost, your gut is telling you not to trust him and that he’s cheating. Second, he got mad because you asked him a question about a woman he was intimate with, a woman he still sees all the time. Third, he’s a lackluster boyfriend who is eating all your food and using up all your WiFi. My point being, even if he wasn’t lackluster, if he responded to your concerns by getting mad, calling you jealous, and never once reassuring you that you were a priority to him, he’s not the one. So, Sis, let him go.”
I took a sip of water.
“Moving to the next letter. It is from James out of North Carolina.”
Dear Zola,
I am completely in love with my girlfriend. We’ve been together for about a year and I know I want this woman to be with me for the rest of my life. I want to wife her. There is no doubt in my mind that she is the one for me. I planned to propose to her on Halloween. I already have the ring and everything. Again, I love my girlfriend. But for the last week I’ve been fantasizing about my work-wife. She was having a bad day and I got her a coffee just to be nice. At the end of the day, she told me it meant a lot to her and she hugged me. The next morning, she brought me a coffee to return the favor. When she hugged me that time, she kissed my cheek. That was new and out of the ordinary, but still I didn’t think anything of it. But later when we were packed in the elevator to leave for the day, she backed into me. It felt like she was grinding on me, but I couldn’t tell because the elevator was full and moving. I had my back against the wall, and she had her back against me. And my dick got hard. I apologized, not really being specific because there were so many people around. She turned around a little and said it’s okay. The problem is that when she turned, her hand brushed against my dick. The elevator doors opened, and she ran out with everyone else. I thought about it all Labor Day weekend. On Monday, I said something to her about it and she apologized and said she didn’t realize she had touched me. It seemed like a misunderstanding, but every time she comes around, she flirts with me and touches me. Much more than she ever did before and my dick is hard the whole time I’m talking to her. I’ve been thinking about her nonstop. Should I tell my girlfriend?
“James, James, James…” I shook my head and took a sip of tea. “First and foremost, before telling your girlfriend what’s going on with you, you need to figure out what’s going on with you. We need to address the whole work-wife/work-husband thing. I know I may be in the minority with this one, but there’s a slippery slope when you apply intimate titles to inappropriate people. There’s so much going on that you don’t seem to be acknowledging. Let’s start with your girlfriend. You love her. You want to marry her. You purchased a ring. You are planning to propose in a little more than a month. But all of a sudden, you’re attracted to your coworker. It could very well be a reaction to the idea of commitment. If you are subconsciously freaking out about the idea of marriage, it would make sense that you would conjure up feelings for someone you are close to. I would suggest going to therapy to dig into potential commitment issues—and I would do this before you propose.” I sighed. “But James, I can only go by what you wrote, and I have some questions. Generally, there is a relative closeness between the two people who are considered work spouses. And if you two are close and now you’re attracted to her, what is the likelihood that you are going to act on your feelings? I noticed that you mentioned that you loved your girlfriend, but you never stated that you weren’t interested in pursuing anything with your coworker. I noticed that you accepted that your coworker ‘accidentally’